Being suddenly discarded

[phantasmagorical]

I’m trying to make sense of why my partner has suddenly broken it off with me, and why his family in particular are keeping him on lock down. (Detail removed by moderator).

I’m feeling really panicky because I’m trying to digest all of his lies and piece myself together, and the idea he’ll suddenly pop up at an unspecified time is worrying me. I feel like it’s my fault that he won’t speak to me, and I’m not even being given very much information about what is wrong with him, other than he’s been feeling suicidal.

I have personal experience with poor mental health, but I’m not sure how to feel about using his current state to explain away what he’s done? When I tried to speak to his mum about everything, she sounded firm in shutting down the conversation, like the details were irrelevant and that he didn’t want to open up to me.

Now I’m thinking, he’ll go to sessions with a psychologist and move on with his life, and meet someone lovely and treat them just right, because I’m still pointing the finger at myself, like there’s something inherently wrong with me that made him lose interest, and lie to me etc. I feel culpable somehow for his present state, but I don’t know if he can absolved of morality / responsibility for being mentally unwell? This is so confusing.

[Jupiter]

Hi Phantasmagorical

Really sorry you feel so bad but your partner is responsible for his health feelings and behaviour no matter what.You have to look after you and protect yourself from him.You are not to blame.You already say that he tells lies so that speaks volumes about his character.How can you trust someone who lives on a raft of lies? Maybe this is a chronic way of life for him?
It sounds like you could maybe get some support through your doctor so you are not alone with all this? Or help via Womens Aid? If you arrange some kind of help this will lighten your sense of struggle and also support you in making decisions which are hard at the moment.
I hope life gets better for you once you feel more people are around you.This makes so much difference.
Also stay on this forum where women will understand your issues.
Take care
Jupiter x

[phantasmagorical]

Thank you. I suspect he has been lying to me from the beginning. I realise now our relationship was very dysfunctional. Really glad I found this forum. xx

[KIP.]

Hi there, you did nothing wrong. This wasn’t once, this was a pattern of behaviour. Can you get in touch with women’s aid? Whatever his reasons and you will probably never get the full story, or any closure, it’s time to put your own mental health first. His mother is probably upset and confused as well. Is it possible for you to cut all ties to them meantime. I don’t want to sound cruel but having someone in your life with this kid of dysfunction will never bring you happiness, I think you’ve had a lucky escape X

[phantasmagorical]

I think I will get in touch with WA more directly; for some reason I feel quite hesitant / wary to do so. Have been contemplating just blocking them all out completely. I feel like he’s keeping me on a string with this vague promise of contacting me again to “set it straight”.

[Healthyarchive]

Hi there, this happened to me, the sudden discard, it is incredibly painful – but you do get past it. There is so much information to read about this on the internet, if you look up about emotional abuse tactics and behaviours. I think when they do this it is there way of maintaining the control of the situation. Just prior, I was at the end of the road with him and was ending it anyway. Who I believed was my long term, committed life partner then chucked me out of his life suddenly via email without a second look as did his circle of family & friends. The week before he was telling me that I was his soulmate and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I suffered immensely for months with rejection and emptyness but I can promise you if you maintain full No Contact you will come through this phase with understanding, clear vision and a fairer view of what has happened. I view my ex now as nothing and I am so happy to no longer be riddled with anxiety and mistrust. What they have done clearly demonstrates immaturity and lack of functioning in a normal healthy relationship.

[Healthyarchive]

I was just thinking, it might help you to think about what your partner contributed towards your relationship whilst you were together. My ex contributed virtually nothing and just took. It therefore seems to make sense about his horrible actions at the end, they followed the sequence of his general behaviour. Honesty, openness and decency are not words that you can associate with these men.

[phantasmagorical]

That sounds quite similar to my situation, particularly the latter half. It was most obvious when I got a full-time job (that I quit to be with him, and now he has chucked me out of the blue) and I was still trying to fit myself in and around his schedule. To be honest I think the relationship was poisoning me eventually…I think my yearning for it is related to unhealthy bonding.

[Healthyarchive]

Yes, the lying. I cannot honestly say that my ex was not lying to me from the beginning, that he was really a conman. Shocking & shameful…..I (detail removed by Moderator) out of my life months ago. I fear for any lonely, looking for love, wealthy women who cross his path.

[Healthyarchive]

Have a look on this forum there is a thread called trauma bonding, it is really insightful. X*x

[Healthyarchive]

Oh yes, keeping you waiting whilst he is ‘working it all out’….what this really means is that he has another woman or is pursuing her & plans to keep you on the back burner whilst he sees how things go with her. Tell him where to go, he is lying & playing mind games with you.

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