being tired

[waves]

It has been over (detail removed by moderator) years I separated from my abuser.
I never regretted that we split. Every day after separation he proved that it was the best what could happen to me, it saved my life.
Problem is we have children together and that (after many breaches of court orders) he learned how to balance at the verge of abuse and move in this grey area that courts and sometimes other agencies find not that relevant, not that significant. Controlling behaviour, manipulation continues.
Even he was quiet, superficially easy to deal with I always expected a storm just after.
Recently something happened and he started losing it. Horrible emails with accusations, demands, threads that I will have to get my consequences and I should be ready for it.
It would not bother me so much if children would not suffer. Their health deteriorates because some of the abuse is directed to them.

I am just tired.
What I hear from courts is: you need to communicate, agree on things, past is the past, he has changed.
How do I talk to someone who only sees his own needs and continues to be abusive?

Sometimes I feel like I am in prison. Waiting for end of my sentence- time when children grow up.

[KIP.]

You don’t talk to him at all. You use a third party via email or text. This way he cannot keep his control and vent his anger directly at you. You do. It need to tolerate this abuse. Speak to your GP and tell them the mental effect this direct contact is having on you and your children. Find your local women’s aid who can support you and a good solicitor who understands abuse. Have you considered a non molestation order. Keep all the evidence and build a case against him. Meantime work on zero contact x

[Anonymous]

All of the above is great advice. If you gather the evidence that his behaviour is detrimental to your kids. (As long as you can show the courts you tried your best now all avenues are exhausted )they draw a line under it. My youngest was put first this time unlike my eldest. It depends on their age and maturity but we got a contact order reduced to nil. That was purely from emotional and verbal abuse toward the child and infront of the child. The new law says witnessing domestic abuse is in fact child abuse. Good luck, persevere and the outcome can be all that you hoped for xx

[Author]

Posts