Being told off on Teams at **

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Today was horrible at work. I was told by a member of staff at work that I’d interrupted and undermined them during our meeting.

I am aware I interrupt occasionally, but I think I have traits of Aspergers and ADHD so I get flashes of thoughts constantly and struggle with this. I’m trying to get help from my GP. I don’t see anyone hardly outside of work, and I’m passionate about my job. Being told off today on a Teams Call on (detail removed by Moderator) was enbaressing and awkward. I couldn’t really respond with customers around. I apologised as I’d not meant to undermine them, I’m just asking questions because I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing.

I had to leave the call because I became distressed. I don’t cope well with criticism since leaving my husband. It sends me into a downward spiral feeling I am just a c**p, rude, disrespectful person because this is what I’ve been told for years. This colleague asked me to replay the Teams meeting so that I could see what I did. There were a couple of us frustrated. I am too scared to watch myself anyway… my confidence is so low. I think I undermined him at the end because every time I ask for a decision he just passes the question to the group rather than make any final decision which frustrates me. Then nothing gets decided. I don’t think I undermined him any other time. I just asked what we should be doing because of errors that I’d noticed. I can’t go into work tomorrow. I just can’t face it all…

[Bananaboat]

I’m guilty of interrupting people, my brain gets excited and I start talking and have to catch myself. I’m more aware of it so catch myself, apologise and say ‘you carry on’ although I do have to take a note of what I was going to say otherwise my brain instantly forgets my point!

Because of our experiences and just the more isolated wfh life we become more excited (maybe the wrong word) to talk. We’ve either not been allowed to have a view or a voice, or work alone a lot. I’ve also watched a few clips that say kids who weren’t listened to or supported often grow into adults who over explain or give too much detail in conversations. Finally, communicating via Teams or other platforms means we lose a lot of the other body language & social cues which guide us on when to speak. In an office a few people can talk at once and our ears & senses cope, but Teams decides one voice/speaker at a time.

I don’t know if any of this applies to you, but I do think your colleague handled it badly. It’s inappropriate to put you down infront of others, he should’ve just asked to speak to you privately because ironically he’s undermined you. Could you speak to the person tomorrow and say how it made you feel? Or drop them an email, or speak to your line manager just to flag this happened and it upset me. It doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong so don’t beat yourself up over this, don’t let it spoil a job you enjoy! x

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Thank you Bananaboat. He started to say about adversity to change which I thought, “here we go, stereotyping (detail removed by Moderator) year old not liking change” when in fact I love innovation and ideas. It motivates me! You made some interesting points. Thank uou. I just wish I could be more resilient and, as you day not get so excited to talk at meetings. Life is so complicated… look after you x

[Bananaboat]

Ah I find with people like that if you ask them for examples so you can learn from them, they tend to clam up. Sounds like he loves his own voice, it’s not personal he’s just out to prove he’s top dog but I totally understand how it feels, especially to us as it can be triggering. You could always email after the meeting with your ideas if he’s going to be an a hole in them xx

[browneyedmum]

All that BB said above… plus, at my place of work we have a signal that our neurodiverse colleagues use when they have something to say. That’s either to put up a finger across to your other shoulder (if on camera) or to simply use the web meeting’s “hand up” button. So try asking to come to some agreement on when you want to signal that you have something to contribute or to ask.

HTH xX.

[Broadbodiedchaser]

Thank you Browneyedmum. I will try to use the yellow hand more. 😊✋️

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