Birthday card

[Alicenotichains]

I have received a nice card in the post from him- I was doing well with No Contact- I even started to feel like I was letting go but this card has messed my head up- I am so easily swayed by his nice side- it’s made me feel awful and I have started to think about breakin no contact even though I was feeling so good last week. I can’t stop thinking about him. I just want it to stop x

[SunshineRainflower]

My ex abuser also sent me a card on my birthday acting like nothing had happened. It’s very common for them to send cards, flowers and try every trick in the book to get you to break no contact, reel you back in, and then they start up the abuse cycle again after a brief honeymoon period. It’s called hoovering, if you google it there is a long list of techniques you can expect from them, it’s helpful to be prepared for it.

Have you written down a list of all of the abuse he did? If so I recommend creating one, it’s v helpful to read when you are feeling low and confused about why you left.

I felt the same as you and was struggling with no contact as he kept getting in touch, I felt him getting back into my head and weakening me despite me knowing he was dangerous and a liar. My DV outreach worker told me it was harassement so I reported him and they gave him a warning and he has since stopped, and it’s such a relief and has helped me to move forward a bit more. So you could consider that option too if it is relentless.

He is trying to stop you from moving on, trying to get back in your head. Well done for posting on here about it. Stay strong 🙂

[Confused123]

Hi Hun

Do not fall for that trick , soon as u choose to stick to no contact he will become abusive again, its just to make u think he is mr nice guy so u take him back, rememebr why u left

[Alicenotichains]

Thank you ladies. The card really got into my head- it was funny and the words were loving and caring. The card is from Dr Jekyl- like you said I need to remember why I left and also that Dr Jekyl is also Mr Hyde. I fall for it every time- my guard drops very easily. I have done well I have stuck to no contact for a few months now- I have changed my phone numbers and just not contacted him – it’s been hard as I feel like I love him and I also care for him- but I am going to have to care for myself more. I guess if I can get through those feelings I can get through the feelings of longing that his card has triggered. I can’t let down my children by having any contact with him. Thanks x

[KIP.]

The card was sent to get into your head. If he has broken his bail or court order then please let the police know. That will send him a clear message and also help you with no contact x

[Alicenotichains]

Yes it got into my head- it was only a few words in a card. It’s shocking the power that he has despite all the work I have done to untangle myself from this mess. (detail removed by Moderator) I will report him if he turns up here but so far that hasn’t happened. X

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