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It’s my birthday (Detail removed by Moderator). Lots of plans and people around me supporting me. Going out later. (Detail removed by Moderator)
One text from him – a very nice, reasonable “Happy Birthday” with a cake sign – sends me crashing down and now I feel sad and miserable. That’s all it takes.
:((
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Get a separate phone for him and only switch it on when you need contact for kids. Do not allow him to do this again. He knows this will affect you. I sent a txt saying only contact me in an emergency regarding our child. It didn’t work and I had to block him anyway. Zero contact is the way forward.
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So post birthday – where everyone made it nice and I was fully supported but felt really sad deep down – I’ve had a down day.
I just have days where I want to contact him and talk to him and tell him things and find out how he is and tell him how much he’s hurt me and just go back to how things were but I know I can’t so I just ignore the thoughts and move on which is very sad and very hard. But the right thing to do.
I desperately want to contact him. And just say something. I just want one day where everything is as it was. I want to know what he’s doing, and how he is. I want him to hug me and say I’m being silly and I’ve made a big thing of everything.
And yet here I sit in my lovely little flat with all my support around me and lots to look forward to. Life should feel good and positive!
Ugh. Xx
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Happy birthday for the other day. x
I think this is natural. You are trauma bonded. As time moves on you will realise that you did the right thing. Imagine allowing him back in your life and then being back in that place you were before. He won’t change. This is your life and you can do so well without him in it. Hang in there. xx
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Thank you so much for your comment. It’s so helpful to read at this time. I think I probably am too. And I do think what’s the other option, go back and almost 100% end up back in the same situation but probably worse on his side and on mine of thinking why did I do that! Plenty of marriages end for a lot less than this. I’m just sad he couldn’t refrain from his abusive ways but it wasn’t going to change. Starting counselling on Friday. Needed!!
Thank you again xx
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my dear itwillbeokay,
First of all, i want to wish you – that you will take all effort – to eliminate him, that for the next birthday – he will not have an opportunity to contact you. Imagine how is going to feel? Like a (Detail removed by Moderator)🙂 He is no longer able to control you and this is possibly the worse what they can experience.
It is hoovering – (Detail removed by Moderator) – i have got the email – with merry Christmas, I had a such bad flashbacks, nightmares, fear, could not breathe properly, crying days and days non stop – it was a huge trigger for me. I thought I will not be able to come out.
Since that time – i do not give any opportunity to find me, or to contact me.
I want my life, and I wish you too, to fight for your life and do not look back at him. Focus on you and only you.
The closure only you can give yourself.
These type of men – abusers – they will never give you that, neither they will be able to understand what he did to you and what type of person he is, and how he hurt you. They justify all their actions towards you in their head.
Like even rape – my faults was – I’m too beautiful and it is ok to rape me. Good justification – how sick he is in his head?
He done what he is done and for you is important to heal from it, protect yourself from him, look after your own needs and well being, make yourself free from it, transform you and transform your life for the better.
I think when you come to the point where you want to focus on your healing, and yourself – this is the number one step to come out from the dark.
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