Viewing 7 reply threads
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    Posts
    • #19913
      Justmum
      Participant

      Hey everyone, just looking for a little support.
      After being physically assaulted a few weeks ago I realised that was the end for me and something needed to change. Instead of acting like it didn’t happen when he tried to come back I didn’t let him and haven’t let him back since,
      He’s been pretty much non stop abusive via text and phone, and I have been trying not to respond unless it’s about contact with the children.
      The main thing he is threatening me with is that he is going to report me for benefit fraud, which is a huge slap in the face as the reason I had to claim benefits is because he couldn’t support us like a normal man, when I worked the abuse escalated. He did as he please and came and went as he pleased, he always lent me money on rent day so I could pay rent in full and I would pay him back throughout the month.
      He still gets letters here and I’m so scared that my face is going to be plastered all over as a benefit fraud, People don’t understand what it’s like to be with an abusive controlling person and you just do what you have to to survive.

    • #19916
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey HUn

      Try and stay strong and ignore him, he is saying that to get a reaction out of u as he knows it will wind u up, ye she may report u but most times they like to wind us up, update the system and let them know u r living alone now, also consider getting a non mol issued agaisnt him, u can still have child contact, i never knew this when i left my ex and was part of reason i never issued as well as been scared if im honest. Post on here as much as u need to , build a strong support of network and work with agencies that can help u, log with your gp he will be able to guide u if u unsure of who to approach, even call the womensaid help line the no is on top corner , u sound like u doing well even though u many not feel it

    • #19919
      Justmum
      Participant

      I have lived alone with my girls for nearly(detail removed by moderator) years, he just used to come when he wanted and use me for whatever, I couldn’t do anything though, it was a horrible situation and I think he did it on purpose to use this to blackmail me so I could never be free

    • #19927
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Get legal advice. Why would that be benefit fraud anyway?
      Do some research and fight him back.
      Maybe you can report him for something too?

    • #19929

      Dear justmum,my advice is that if you believe he will do this you can take the sting out of it & remove his power by coming clean with the benefit agency up front. I work in this area, I know if people are honest & open, leniency is often shown,particularly if you explain in full your circumstances & reasons for doing it. The authorities often show sympathy, particularly if you have an otherwise clean record. You can also appeal to the higher ups,ombudsman, which normally get you a fair hearing.

    • #19935
      KIP.
      Participant

      My ex threatened the exact same thing. Its very comon with abusers. So far ive heard nothing so im guessing as usual its a big fat bluff. You will probably find youve done nothing wrong but if your worried maybe talk to citizens advice. Please dont worry. Its just another control tactic.

    • #19938
      SaharaD
      Participant

      Report the abuse, especially the financial abuse. Do it sooner than later. Get a non molestation order due to physical and financial abuse.

      Send his mail back to sender.

      All of this will protect you from his threats.

    • #19960
      Justmum
      Participant

      Thanks for the advise, yeah I’m sure it’s a bluff, but he can be so convincing it’s scary and he really believes his own lies!
      Still moving forward, even though it seems to be a very slow process im getting free.
      Looking into a non molestation order, I’m just worried about making him angry, and his reaction

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