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    • #17556
      Angels wings
      Participant

      I’ve been trying to hold it together and see how things will go over the weeks, after promises of love and a good relationship. I have been watching the signs though and listening to the words said in between the lovey dovey promises. Now I understand I can’t stop doing this and I have put up an emotional barrier. (Removed by moderator) I am learning to stick up for myself. He then snaps back oh so it’s my fault. (Removed by moderator) He then starts yelling me off for  and saying why should he lend (removed by moderator) me his. Sulking pettiness over something trivial moaning about money and him having to pay for things to be corrected blah blah blah. I refuse to take the blame this time. All I can think about us should I stay or should I go. With children involved it’s so complicated i wish I had more guts.
      I know this is trivial compared to others plights I just needed to vent. It’s the build up of constant little things that are hard. Jokes aimed at me, little digs, backhanded compliments, sarcasm, no interest in day to day things, he asks how was your day but doesn’t really want to know, I can actually see his face shut down if I try to say anything, or he stops me by his all knowing views on how things are or should be handled. Arghhh. I am getting thoughts and feelings out by posting on here. It helps me see things for how they are instead of how my heart wants them to be. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

    • #17560
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      It’s not trivial Hun. I’ve been there. You get to the point you darent order anything / action anything. You feel you have to seek approval or written consent to protect yourself from punishment be that verbal or physical. But nothing eases the anxiety of making a decision.

    • #17561
      godschild
      Participant

      I get blamed for most things, they just wont take responsibilty for anything, I amnot listened to either, they switch off, they have no compassion for us and mine also has all knowing views that are always the dead opposite to mine, he shouts and belittles me over things he knows nothing about.
      Good that you can voice your feelings on here, I have had the jokes aimed at me then told I have no sense of humour when its not funny
      Its not trivial because it wears you down, chips away at your own self and self worth.
      He will see you have put up an emotional barrier and blame you for that, I have put up a total emotional and physical barrier and mine does not like it but ive had decades of it and I cant keep being in the cycle of abuse they say nice things but their behavior never ties in, sending you a hug and saying you are not alone in this xx

    • #17574
      Angels wings
      Participant

      Thank you, I get so annoyed. I never used to recognise it, I ised to just try to make things better and get upset. These days it’s just another nail in the coffin and I barrier gets stronger. I’m trying to arrange councelling ATM hoping to give me strength too.
      Hugs to you guys too I think we need them x*x

    • #17576
      Suntree
      Participant

      Not trivial.
      I started reading it and thought oh my new partner who is not abusive (but I’m always nervous about making the same mistakes again so little things threaten to trigger me) says the “oh so its my fault then?” on occasions. However if you take our relationship as a whole and him as a whole those are the rare times when we can both behave childlike and I am glad that we both have the safety to do so. Which is completely different from the abusive relationships I have been in. Especially the last one who is the sperm donor of my children.

      As I read on you might as well have described my abusive relationship which the children did pick up on and which has and still is taken me time to start to undo.
      If I bought them anything it would he would dismiss it and in such a way even if there were excited about it they then checked themselves for any positive reaction to me.
      If anything went wrong or didn’t happen I would get the blame. He would even set up things not to happen.
      It also go to the point where he was training the children not to do what Mummy says, if he wasn’t there then I had to do what they said.
      I didn’t know all I knew was some very confused and angry children.
      Little things that add up, shut you down and affect everyone in the house.
      You will start doing things you think are right to keep the house calm.
      Like apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.

      We did relate a couple of times. DON’T. At first I thought it was working, then I realized after the first time and as we started the second time that he was the best at doing things to be seen to be doing the correct/ right thing.

      It did help in some things it did show me that he really did only do the right thing when people were watching him and revert the moment he thought it was safe to do so.

      I left eventually, it was b****y hard, and i have worked really hard on learning and recovering.

      The children have had counselling and now he hasn’t bothered to see them for a while they are so much more settled.

      Knew I had done the right thing when the singing started back in the house.

    • #18547
      livingonaprayer
      Participant

      Walking on eggshells is daily in our house. The phrases ‘you never take responsibility for your actions’ & ‘if you’d have made changes none of this would have happened’ happen all the time. Sarcastic comments and little laughs &. EgDigs grind you down. I’m trying to ignore them but it’s hard when your around it all the time. I suggested relate once & quickly changed my mind whenIhe said ‘they’ll tell you all the things I have you just donv don’t want to hear them! Draining! I walk away if I can cut cut but not always that easy! So I totally understand how you feel. You are not on your own! Xx

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