Blamed for my behaviour

[AbbeyRoad]

I sit here having one of those days. My partner was away for work, i knew what he would say when he got home so I cleaned, put things away etc. The place was spotless. he walked in and found fault, nothing was right. He has been in a mood for 3 days in order to prove to me how useless I have been and how I made him feel the way he does. I stood up to him and said I will not take you talking to me like that. I didn’t respond to his threats, I left the house yesterday all day and worked from a coffee shop. He calls me and I return and he’s lovely as if nothing had happened. This morning he again says I am the reason he thinks our relationship is coming to an end as I am so lazy and useless. I am working (detail removed by moderator), I have paid for our entire house, the expensive car up the drive is mine and I am also cleaning, putting things away, cleaning the house and needing to be manicured, attend gym classes as as he thinks I’m fat. It’s so much pressure. He refuses counselling for a childhood trauma and I am left to pick-up the pieces as any support out there is for the survivors and not their family, but I feel bad to even consider leaving someone as they go through the acceptance of their childhood trauma and (detail removed by moderator). The past few weeks it’s been relentless emotional abuse and I am feeling low. Sorry to put this upon people also on here struggling.

[nbumblebee]

Im gonna be blunt but please know is it meant with kindness.
I was abused as a child by a family member then raped by another as an adult I self harm I hate myself does that give me permission to hurt my children?
I hope you said no there.
No past however abusive can ever justify hurting another never.
Whether it be through words or actions or hitting you any way he hurts you is not right and not acceptable just because he has issues and is having a bad time it does not mean you should pay in any way.
This is a safe space for you to talk and learn sweetie use it to understand abuse and abusers.
Also i am sure theres help out there for families of abuse victims maybe one of the more clever ladies on here will be able to help you out there.
Stay safe xxxxxx

[tiredofitall]

Hi, my husband is using a traumatic incident as a bad childhood as a reason to explain why he behaves the way he does. It took me far too long to realise that he is choosing to treat me this way. He is not out of control. When I have to think through every decision I make to ensure that I can justify it when he picks me up on it…which he always does! I’ve been lectured on when I’ve put the washing on, how much cleaning I do. You name it, I’ve always done it wrong! I realise now that it actually doesn’t matter because he does not want to resolve and help. He wants to live in that argument as he feels good when he is making me feel bad. He feels superior when he feels like he wins against me. I believe he does have issues but that is not how you treat someone you love.
I have spent years doing everything I could to avoid these confrontations but in the end the only way is for us to separate.
He will never change, he doesn’t think he is wrong.
You don’t need to put up with this behaviour because your husband needs help. If he isn’t willing to get help then he’s making the decision for you.

[Eyesopening]

They all have some sob story to try to excuse their behaviour. Knowledge is power here. Read and learn all about abuse and you will have revelations. Try How he gets into her head by Don Hennersy and Why does he do that by Lundy Buncroft. You are not responsible for him. He is responsible for himself.
xx

[Risingup]

@AbbeyRoad I could have written your post. My partner was also away for work (detail removed by Moderator). I was so relaxed the whole week when he was away. When I knew he was returning, I started to panic because I knew what was coming! You guessed it! The intense emotional abuse…….critiquing the house. I should have cleaned the house from top to bottom. I don’t need to justify myself to him but you naturally feel you have to when you are being attacked. After spending a few hours being really rude and disrespectful, he then became really friendly. Second guessing my reality and gaslighting me! Take care xx

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