14th December 2015 at 2:05 pm #6161littlepony1Participant
I’ve blocked him from everything, Facebook, what’s app, blocked his number, blocked his email. It was either that or go to the police. He was calling me a heartless b***h for ignoring him, so now the o my thing he can do is show up at my house or work. I can’t sleep, I had a nightmare last night that he came in through my bedroom window… When I woke up I could hear pebbles being throwin off my window. I don’t know if this was in my dream or not, I was so scared I had to run in to my parents room and stayed there. I did feel really bad that he will be on his own at Xmas but he has been so horrible I don’t anymore. I do still worry about him, it’s hard
15th December 2015 at 10:39 am #6189Anon123Participant
Sorry to hear about your awful situation.im really pleased you’ve taken all those steps to block him. It maybe worth writing everything down and then calling the police on 101 so you can report it (they have to come and speak to you directly though and won’t do it all on the phone ).if you have any old messages do keep them and write them down too.
So then if he did turn up at your house /work they would understand the full situation.
I’m really pleased you’ve managed to get out of the situation you were in and it will get better. 😀
15th December 2015 at 1:38 pm #6195Once Upon A TimeParticipant
Hello Little Pony,
You have done very well to block him, no contact is the only way, it’s a tactic of theirs…to make us feel guilty so that we never leave, but trust me he will be fine on his own at Christmas, don’t back down now…stand strong and free from a live of abuse.
If you give him any kind of green light, e.g. have contact, he’ll use it and try to wheedle his way back in and before you know it…you’ll be under his control again.
Keep resolute and enjoy your Christmas in peace.
15th December 2015 at 1:41 pm #6199
so glad you have loved ones to run to, and its completely normal i think to have these dreams, i certainly have and sometimesthey are sooo real! Its just the level of fear thats going on at the moment, and like all feeelings it will subside as you start to feel safer.
you have been brave to block him out like this, and all i can say is keep up the amazing work you’ve done so far! build on it and lock him out completely whilst you process the emotions of separation.
keep safe and have a happy Christmas safe with your parents xx
15th December 2015 at 9:10 pm #6216
Just echoing what everyone else is saying but well done for blocking him!
I know how you feel I kept on thinking my ex was going to show up on dead of night I was scared to go to bed for a while.
One day though you’ll look back and feel pity and wonder why you were ever scared of this man. I’m getting there.
No contact is hard but so worth it sweetie xx
16th December 2015 at 9:43 am #6220
i don’t agree at all about not being scared anymore of this man. I have known a few abusive men, and I wouldn’t take any risks even after ‘getting over’ them. They can still turn violent and I would still be at risk, walking on eggshells to avoid a violent reaction. So, no, I can’t agree that these men change and aren’t a risk any more.
the more i ignore the more enraged, and the more it would escalate, there’s no stopping it and the less effecct it had on me the further he would go to make sure i was terrified.
16th December 2015 at 10:07 am #6235PuffinParticipant
Well done for blocking him. I think that a feeling of being on high alert is quite normal after the end of an abusive relationship. For months every time I left a building I would check who was out there.
Make sure you are getting support from professionals too. Have you contacted your local women’s aid?
16th December 2015 at 1:57 pm #6249littlepony1Participant
I am having such a bad day today, as you know I have blocked him so I have heard nothing from him. I feel like I am just starting to go through the break up now (removed by moderator) later, as he didn’t give me a chance to when he was pestering me every day. The feeling of guilt is so bad, the thought of him waking up to no presents at Christmas, and i feel awful that i broke his heart. I am finding it hard to remember all the horrible things he done and said at the moment
16th December 2015 at 3:06 pm #6250
Just to say I wouldn’t take risks either I know full well to stay away from my abuser, I don’t find him a threat from afar now, I am getting less scared of my own “what if” thoughts and having less of them. I worry less about what he could do but I don’t forget what he’s capable of and I’m not minimising anyone’s feelings of fear either I know it’s very real xx
16th December 2015 at 7:41 pm #6260
I was surprised, not that i wasn’t pleased to think you are no longer living in fear of him like you were. Thinking about the reaction from him as part of my decision-making process is still in the background too sadly, and I think its inevitable where children are concerned.
I often wonder if people just think if you’re just not scared anymore everything would be fine, but with some people there is no way out? or is there?
Showing him lack of fear enraged him, and it still would, i believe, maybe it wouldn’t but should we take that risk? I hate talking like this, giving him all this control even now.
17th December 2015 at 8:17 am #6266
Yeah I realised what I said sounded like a throw away comment I really just meant it will get easier etc
17th December 2015 at 11:39 am #6278
it certainly does get easier Hopesprings, having the distance you have now made Littlepony also distances his effects on you, like hopesprings said, eventually you can make decisions without being terrified of his reaction.
It seems more like he is your responsibility, a child even, and this is their intention that we worry more about their feelings that our own. can you embrace being selfish 🙂 look after number 1 🙂 be true to you, he has no place there as he would never want these things for you. We do 🙂
warmest wishes KS xx
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