Breaking down again

[Ayanna]

I am there again. I am breaking down and I cannot stop it. I am unable to talk. I am so glad that I can type here. I am unable to vocalise what happens in my head. I am heading towards a complete collapse.
I do not know why.
It just happens.
I love to be on my own but that is when this happens. It never happens when I am busy and distracted.
I have the Samaritan’s number in front of me, but I am not able to utter a word.
I probably should not have spoken to my mother earlier, but today is Mother’s Day where she lives.
She would be deeply offended had I not called her.
In former years I ignored her. I cannot do this anymore. She is old and frail and she loves me.
I am breathing consciously while the tears run down like rivers.
I hope my voice comes out. Then I can go to the park and scream.

[White Rose]

Hi Ayanna
Well done for phoning ypur mum. She will have appreciated it I’m sure.
Don’t feel down. Remember the sassy lady in her lovely dress and posh flip flops turning heads and doing evil stares?
Be strong. You can do it. You’ve got a voice and can use it so don’t be afraid xx

[Ayanna]

Thank you White Rose. I called the Samaritans eventually. My terrible life is collapsing over my head.

[godschild]

Sending a hug, you will come through this again, you wrote a lot yesterday and remembered a lot on the anniversary of things, I believe emotions come out bit by bit, we can only cope bit by bit to deal with them you may be falling apart today but you will get through it, we have to fall apart to be put back together even stronger you are very strong take care x*x

[Author]

Posts