Breaking point

[Justhere]

I’m just after some advise and clarification if this is even abuse! And if so what actions can be taking to stop him from continuing this! I’m so all over the place with it that I’m just left crying night after night with fear of what’s going to happen next!

From having a doubt at the beginning, he was very secretive, would invite me to events and then go with out me, go off with people and I wouldn’t hear from him even if we had plans, after talking with him I was more then happy to leave the relationship there, he made me feel bad with all his excuses… he began to drink loads and always be down the pub where he would have me pick him up! Some night wouldn’t even come back when he says and make up excuses as to why! my mum fell ill and would make me feel guilty about going to help her and being a burden on him! He would make me feel uncomfortable talking to my friends, I would go out for the evening in which I would receive messages of abuse telling me I had lied about where I was going, who I was and what I was doing! He would never interact with me if it involved my friends! I found out I was pregnant(not ideal but I don’t have the heart for abortion) by this point we no longer had a sex life! Never any affection from his side! began to make me feel very uncomfortable by pretending to be asleep to see me get changed and then make comments of it after! I gave up smoking to which he would get in the car and light a cigarette! I would question him on it and he would have a go at me! Told me his work was more important then baby appointments and he wouldn’t come if they were on certain days. He now seems to want to be there for everything but proceeds to kick off. I was experiencing cramps in the middle of the night and started to have a panic attack I asked him to put to tv on to distract me and calm myself down to which ending in him shouting at me and scaring me because I’d asked him to put the tv on! Due to being a private person I don’t post on social media! He would tell me that I’m ashamed and embarrassed to be having a child that I should just get rid of it! He was adamant we were moving in together when I’d explain that I wasn’t and he would laugh it off! He made all the arrangements without me knowing and would mention bits to other people and then I would again tell him it wasn’t happening! he became so controlling to the point of what I ate, what I did! When I would try and stand my ground he would get the hump with me, would ignore me, after that point everything he did had the intention of annoying me, getting in my face whilst constantly going on about a topic! He point plank refused to interact with my family regarding telling them the news. I would try over and over to talk to him about it and he would just blame everything on me! Saying it’s all my fault! He then wouldn’t talk to me. We went for scans and it was never without making me feel uncomfortable, being confrontational! Telling me how I should be! What Is expected of me! He would shout at me for telling him abit of information he didn’t know! We would be talking and he would be adamant something didnt happen knowing full well I had photo evidence which would end in me doubting myself and make me feel delusional and the silent treatment! I eventually confided in a family member when they spotted a difference in me! She helped me write down my feelings and sent it all to him! I was more concerned of the welfare of my child due to stress! I became very unwell! Lost weight when I shouldn’t be! He replied with child like messages saying I was violent to him because I pinched him during a play fight at the very beginning, I explained I needed some time and I’d be in touch with him when I started to receive 40+ messages a day plus all the phone calls, would turn up at my mums where I was staying! Messages accusing me of being with people, saying he knew I was with someone when I’d be at home, adamant there was someone else! Began blaming me for his depression and his anxiety, why he wasn’t eating, how his life was over! He then contacted my family messages and my friends who he’s never bothered with before demanding they talk to me and tried his best to make a conflict of interest between my safe zone of people! Tried guilt tripping them with the baby! If they didn’t reply he would hound them with messages! He got his family member to contact me! Some of who I was never aloud to meet! I agreed to meet him on mutual terms with someone there so it was amicable but he refuses to! But was adamant he wanted to meet me on my own We were due to go to another scan so I contacted him, and explained that I could no longer be with him but I’m more then willing to let him know details of scans/ appointments! With hopes that in the future we can be friends for the sake of the child! He was nice all of 5 minutes when I’d get another text of me being with someone else! Would use my past with my father against me! Making me feel guilty for my dad leaving, black mailing me into getting back with him for that sake! He accused me of not wanting a happy family life with my child! After a few hours I got text messages saying he would change but it didn’t last for long! I blocked all contact with him, scan date came when I had to see him once more to which he proceeded to start shouting at me in the room because I wouldn’t go for dinner with him and was telling me I had to talk to him about our personal issues that didn’t concern the baby! I was very calm in saying that I only have to talk to him with regards to the baby, my life was nothing to with him anymore! With that he stormed out of my scan and then received more abusive text messages from his new number! I was so mortified that the hospital was meant to be a safe place and I couldn’t get the image and embarrassment of him doing that there out of my head! He mentioned people would stop me in the street if they saw me, he started messaging my family members again demanding dna and that he had been in contact with my ex partner and people who know me regarding this situation! Again saying I should just get rid of the child! He then contacted me telling me that I was mentally unstable! That I’m not right in the head! All this demoralising things! Telling me he and his friend would get the child to hate me and that he will do everything in his power to keep me from him! Saying that he would take me to court and win! During all this I started to seclude myself, I started to not leave the house! I didn’t talk to anyone, I wouldn’t even go to the shop! I began avoiding going to work! I would pretended to be ill just to get out of stuff!! I didn’t leave my room for two weeks! Ever noise I heard I become scared! I still quadruple check that the house is secure so that he wouldn’t get in! I was sick with dread when I had to go for appointments regarding the baby, not knowing if he would be there or what he would do! I did eventually become ill from this! And had major anxiety to even step out the front door! I couldn’t even go to doctors! It was some huge force field around me not allowing me too!! I have started back at work but I am still like it because he will send messages! He would go out of his way to make sure he sees me! I even drive my mums car just to avoid being spotted! He has previous drug problems that have made him very unstable! He is always in the pub! Recently became physical with my friend on a night out because their are associated with me… he was threatening and abusive to them, I’m petrified of what will happen to me if he see’s me and when the baby is here and what he will put the child through! I don’t feel he is stable enough to even look after a child! It terrifies me that it will go to court and he will be let loose to do this to him too! I’m at breaking point

[KIP.]

You need help. Ring the helpline number on here. Keep all the evidence you can. Texts emails etc. Keep a journal of everything he does. Ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. You do not need to have any contact with him. If he persists I would ring the domestic abuse police on 101. In fact I would ring them for some advice too. You might want to take legal advice on the names on the birth certificate too. You need peace to enjoy your pregnancy. It should be a good time. No contact should help meantime x

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