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It’s been a little while since I posted. My ex has spent part of the weekend working on our eldest telling him that I’ve made a mistake, that the only reason for our split is because I thought I was too good for him, and guilting him over the fact that we’re living in the family home and he isn’t. I recorded part of the conversation and passed it to my solicitor but this ended up with more blame being directed at the child from his father and leaving him with a sense of guilt and betrayal.
I spoke to the police and they’ve been really supportive with their advice – but I’ve had another letter from his solicitor about withdrawing contact and basically saying the children stay in their rooms all the time and have no relationship with me.
I know it needs to be dealt with to protect the children but I don’t think I’ve ever felt as low as I do now. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since the weekend and I just feel worthless. I guess I’m posting on here because I don’t know how to cope – any advice would be great. -
Hey there, it’s great and positive that you are reaching out for help. Your local women’s aid can offer great support. Try to remember he wants you to feel worthless and suicidal! Don’t give him the satisfaction. The best advice I can give you is total no contact with your abuser. That means not discussing him with your children too. The relationship you have with your children is between them and you. I’m not sure of your circumstances but if your child tells you what his father is saying and it’s about you I would and have said to my child that it’s awful and not fair that their father is involving them in adult affairs and it puts them (the child) in a very awkward and position and it’s not nice. That way you can keep your dignity and peace of mind and basically put the blame back on him. Not sure how old your child is but they will perk it out for themselves. FYI it’s normal for a child to spent lots of time in their room. I only saw my son at feeding time for about age 11 to 16. The rest of the time he was out or in his room lol. Keep your chin up. Stick to your own positive parenting x
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Thanks KIP. It’s amazing how these things hurt so much when it’s such a personal attack. If it was directed at me I’d cope better because of the no contact order – aiming it at a child is a killer to watch. He always promised that I’d lose everything and I’m so afraid that somehow the children will be influenced as he wears them down with tales of how mental I am or how much he needs to be back in the house to protect them from me. It’s sad that his fear tactics work so well even at a distance x
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Hey there. Mine promised I’d lose everything. They are nasty liars. Turns out my ex has lost so much more. The reason they target the children is because they know this will cause you the most pain. Do not let him see the hurt this causes you as it fuels his fire. I had great advice from a fellow survivor. Act like a graceful swan. On the surface stay calm and focussed. Underneath your legs are working off the scale. The other good advice was to play the long game. Have patience and know that in the long run his mask will slip and he will reveal his true self. Sounds like he’s already doing this by using your child. Just hang in there and get as much support as you can from positive people and friends.
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