Viewing 6 reply threads
  • Author
    • #20626

      Dear Bridget!
      How did it go?
      Please tell us!
      We are here for you!

    • #20627

      I have had contact with her today she was much happier, I,m sure she will post soon x

    • #20629

      Hoping it went well x

    • #20641

      Hello to all of you,

      Thank you for showing such concern, it makes me feel so loved.

      It went really well and I was on cloud coocoo land on that day, exhausted by the evening but I nevertheless did much more till the night came. Typical me, or the adrenaline…

      It went really well, I explained to the social worker how he made me feel, and requested an apology which I accepted. I tried to explain how I am a good mum who fights for her kids but with more information and a better approach towards me they could liaise better with our family and get our son looked after.

      The chairman took me to one side in a separate room before the conference took place. I was feeling really low but meeting him changed my feelings. He was very polite, kind, respectful, not forceful, he listened and joked a little bit because of my nationality. He made me feel at ease, and I guessed by his handshake and his whole approach that he wanted to see who he was dealing with, having never met me.
      We entered the conference room and started discussing the child protection plan after the usual introductions. And that’s when, once the social worker spoke, I politely explained my point and commented on his remarks, assertively requesting an apology from him for his abusive and aggressive approach to me on the phone most times, pointing at relevant issues I felt were not handled right because of the judgements made about me from the remarks my children had made. I mentioned that listening to children with a pinch of salt was necessary when they should know how teenagers will criticise parents no matter what we do, and some of the points the social worker was making had to be addressed and that is what I did. I felt I was logical, factual and well prepared this time.
      The information which my DV support worker needed to divulge had not been received but I am sure by now they know. This will help them understand more of the family dynamics and the disfunctionality of one member (dad). But I did not kick a fuss because of the lack of relevant information, I knew they would get it in the end.
      In the end they all agreed to put our son on child in need plan and the positive steps made towards improvements have been mainly achieved. I told them that I understood the points they were making and my concern was directly towards our son. On the whole I felt the chairman was aware I was not what the report portrayed, I just needed time for people to gather evidence. And the evidence is coming thick and fast now. I am beginning to forgive my children’s disloyalty and understand how they expressed their distress at the family situation by aiming at me while the father enjoyed the ”ride” as I call it. But more recent events are shedding light, finally. I can’t explain for safety reasons obviously.
      The social worker rang me today to set up a meeting and I explained a few more things, he is now listening and treating me with more respect. I have won.

      I say I have won because that is what it feels like. I know my values, my parenting skills as well as my faults, I understand what influence I will have had on my children by staying with this man, how my own reactions will have set a chain of reactions in my children and how their distress made them target me. The social worker has spoken to my adult children too, in particular the one who witnessed the strangling. Domestic abuse and violence has immense repercussions and I should have scampered off years ago. I directly created abuse victims and my own reactions of fighting for my values did nothing to improve the situation, arguments etc. You simply can’t win a situation like that. I simply thought I had to stay for the sake of my children and for my vows and for all sorts of things.

      Now I am looking at family systems theories, to decide when I will leave if at all. I am thankful for the people who help me along the way to discover truths. It is an Everest climb I am on, a long arduous road to recovery for my kids and for myself. Time and knowledge will help me decide. For now, as in the Al Anon book ”courage to change” I have decided not to decide. I am surely not far off the end of the climb. The realisation of what’s below me and what is still to enjoy and discover in life is now up to me.
      But I feel I have won. I am no more in the depth of despair. I may still get my step backs, but I am now stronger and wiser. What I thought was going to turn into a nightmare meeting, proved to be a step in the right direction. Even if I could not fight on every point due to time and protocol, I feel I have won, I am a decent hard working value bound mum and I will fight for my values and for my kids till the day I die.
      My children will know one day what I did for them was the right thing to do. They will grow up and they will realise.

      I wish you all the very best for this coming weekend, may your days be happy and full of positive feelings, love to you all for now. xxxxxxxxx

    • #20644

      Thank you Bridget, for the weekend wishes and the update 🙂
      I am so happy about these news!
      It took long, but finally they see the truth.
      Listen to your gut feelings! Those never deceive us.
      Enjoy the weekend! Rest a lot! Recover from the stress!
      Big hugs! x*x

    • #20646

      Hi, So good you go thro to them and that the Social worker apologised, you sound much stronger which is good xx

    • #20667

      So pleased you are feeling so positive. Well done xx

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditions │ Privacy & cookie policy │ Site map │ Protect yourself online│ Media │ Jobs │ Accessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content