- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 months, 2 weeks ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
My ex has left me after another fight. I’m pregnant and now on my own with my 2 kids. I know that breaking up was the best thing but how he did it has left me so hurt and angry. I’ve tried to break up with him and he refuses to accept it but when he says it’s over then it’s done. The physical violence has been getting worse, he almost broke my nose (detail removed by moderator) Our last fight he kept pushing me over, coming right into my face and grabbing my arms. He’s not well, he’s paranoid and he rants for hours and it makes no sense. (detail removed by moderator) He says I’m too slow. I’m fat, I’m useless, I shouldn’t have to ask, I should just know. I twist his words, I’m manipulative, I’m a liar. I can’t talk, he tells me to shut up or I’ll get hurt, but I have to listen to him go on and on. His dad was ill (detail removed by moderator) And soon as he got money and his dad was getting better, he’s told me I’m evil and he never wants to be near me again.
I think I really am as stupid as he says, because I’m now broke with 2 kids, a 3rd on the way and no idea if I’m still going to have a job after all this and he’s now free to do what he wants, with no money worries and he’s blaming it all on me. The last fight started because I was sore, normal pregnancy pains, and our daughter wasn’t walking fast enough (detail removed by moderator) in front of him so he could hear what I was saying and then said I was a liar and if the baby dies it’s my fault. I kept telling him I know my own body and to trust me but he said I can’t be trusted and that I want the baby to die.
All I wanted was a bit of respect and not be talked down to every minute of every day. He will criticise me 20 times a day and then say I’m ungrateful because he said something nice one time and I always focus on the negative.
Maybe I am as awful as he says I am, because I’m left in a real mess and I must have done something to deserve this? -
-
I’m so sorry @Stillherebutnotme
You are not stupid. You are not awful. You have done nothing to deserve any of this.
Please look after yourself.
It’s good that you are not living with him but he is still being abusive.
Please get help from DV support agency in your area. Solace have a number you can call.
You don’t deserve any of this. They can advise you and help you safeguard your children as well.
Take care of yourself x
-
You are not awful, not at all, whatsoever: but he is. He is 100% responsible for his behaviour and he’s completely in control of it. Your feelings of inadequacy and self blame are the result of his emotional, psychological and physical abuse over a long period of time. He knows exactly what he is doing.
Please don’t allow him to manipulate himself back into your life. If you’re not getting any support, please call your local Domestic Violence support. Try to get a place on the freedom programme. They helped me so much. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. File a statement with the police and don’t drop the charges, no matter how guilty you feel. The police are there to look after you. He deserves to face the consequences of his actions.
I went back so many times. I believed his lies and manipulation. I believed he would change. I believed he would get therapy. I believed if only he would stop drinking and smoking stuff that he would get better. I believed if he got treatment for his mental health, things would get better.
I did so much to try to make myself better, thinking it was my fault, believing his lies that it was my fault. I even went on an anger management course when it wasn’t me with the anger issues!
Only when I went on the freedom programme did I realise his abuse was deliberate. Abusers have tactics that are designed to break us down and make us under their complete control.To make us blame ourselves, to make us feel guilty and to feel sorry for them, to make us want to help them change their behaviour, that they pretend to regret, pretend to be sorry for: but they’re not. They want us to be at their beck and call, 24/7 and if we’re not, they abuse is more.
Get a restraining order against him. If he breaches it, call the police.
My eldest has severe PTSD as a result of witnessing DV over a long period of time. I still have PTSD. The effect of witnessing DV on kids is long lasting. The younger they are when you leave, the better for their mental health. Your body produces cortisol when you are scared and it passes onto your baby. It made my kids find learning and concentrating difficult, both of them were high stress pregnancies due to DV. Don’t be afraid to go to your GP, tell her exactly what you have been going through and see if she can recommend anything safe for your baby to help you sleep and relax. Being able to relax will help immensely, especially during pregnancy. Rest is so important and your abuser wants you to feel exhausted and anxious so he’s ready for phase two, get you back and carry on abusing you. Don’t let that happen.
I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare. Abusers don’t ever get any better. They don’t want to change. They pretend they do, but they don’t. It got to the point with my ex that he was threatening to kill me and the kids.
Sending you a loads of courage.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
