Broken

[Prosecco99]

Hi all. I joined a long time ago but I have never posted. I feel so numb I don’t even know what to write. I have been with my partner for a few years and I know I need to leave, it’s actually doing it. Also questioning myself a lot because I have said and done some nasty things when I finally break when times are bad and it makes me feel guilty. Don’t even recognise myself:( I used to be so bubbly and outgoing now I’m depressed, anxious, overweight and have no confidence. Suppose I’m just posting because I’ve never felt so alone. Currently at my place alone and feeling extremely low, if you are reading this, thank you.

[Needtoclarify]

Hello lovely, you are not alone, sending you a big hug through teary eyes. You will be okay and this hard time will pass xx

If you look at these threads, there is a pattern here with the abusers, they deminish worth to feed their ego. The fact you are here reaching out and identify changes in yourself is a positive, you will get back to you if you don’t question tm your gut feelings and doubt yourself. You are still you and not beyond repair. I bet you have fleeting moments of your bubbly self around your family and friends. Try focus on this and it will empower you.

You are worthy of a happy, healthy and feee life with a peaceful mind.

Do you have any friends or family you can lean on for support? Xx

[Prosecco99]

Thank you so much xx

I haven’t left him yet 🙁 this pattern has been going on for as long as I can remember. It’s actually become habit. I suffered a miscarriage earlier this year as well. I don’t see the point sometimes of even existing, I have nothing in life 🙁 I don’t remember the last time I was bubbly or truly happy.

I have friends and family, I think they are fed up of me constantly going back too him. And some just don’t understand at all. I don’t even think I do. Urgh just feeling really unwell 🙁 thank you again for responding xx

[Lisa]

Hi Prosecco99,

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be. I hope by posting its clear you are not alone in this and there are people here that understand.

It can be really hard to break free from an abusive relationship, as others have mentioned there is a cycle of abuse, and its easy to question and doubt ourselves.

If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:
https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

You could try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website at http://www.supportline.org.uk.

I hope this is useful to you. Do keep posting to let us know how you get on.

All the best,

Lisa

[Eggshells]

Hi Prosecco99,

Welcome to the forum.

I think it can be difficult for people to understand why women go back. The psychology behind it is complex. Have you read about trauma bonding and cognitive dissonance? Trauma bonding in particular involves your body producing very powerful hormones, nature’s drugs if you like, which keeps us hooked into the cycle of abuse.

Finding your way out of depressive emotion can be really difficult. There are options. You could visit your GP. There are also natural remedies. Studies show that walking amongst nature for 20 minutes a day is as effective as antidepressants. As long as you feel this low, it will be difficult for you to even consider how you will achieve the future that you’d like.

If you can find the energy to try and help yourself out of the fug you are in and perhaps to read a little about abuse, you’ll be in a better position to help yourself. You may also be able to explain a little to your family and friends so that they understand how to support you.

[Needtoclarify]

Sending you a hug. Yes, I agree, trauma bonding is worth researching.

I am so sorry you have had to endure the pain you have gone through but trust me when I tell you, if you stay in the hope he can change and this situation can change, you will only allow yourself to fall into further emotional pain and turmoil and experience more damage to yourself. Whilst it is so hard and you are conflicted because of the feelings you have attached to him, he has absolutely no regard for your feelings or self worth and this is something which he can never change. He does not care for anyone but him. He may have tricked you into believing he does, but trust me, he’s incapable of adknowledging you as a person and will not stop until you are broken beyond repair if you let him.

I am so glad you have family and friend support. These are your people and the real love in your life. Can you reach out to them for support? I am sure they would only want to support you and understand what you are going through so you do not feel alone. You are taking positive steps in recognising the toxic pattern and identifying it is wrong.

You may feel now you have lost your bubbly self completely but you have not. I’m sure you will find it during moments around loved ones. And day by day being surrounded by loved ones who have your best interests is the only way you are going to get past this.

You’ve got this and I hope you find the strength to break free and live a free life feeling good about yourself, happy, without feeling lonely and depresssed.

Do not doubt yourself, you are on the right path and see it through to breaking this trauma bond so you can claim back your self worth. Xx

[Flitterby]

Hi there.
It sounds like you’re having a really tough time, and I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling right now.
It’s completely natural to end up snapping sometimes especially when you’ve been going through what you have. The fact that you reflect on this, though, shows that you are a good person. Please keep telling yourself this. You are a good person, worthy and deserving of love and respect.
The aftermath of abuse can feel like the loneliest place in the world, but please know you are not alone. We’re all here to help you stay afloat. Take one day at a time, and focus on getting through each day. I’ve found it helpful to plan my day out, making sure I give myself time doing different things I enjoy and balancing it out with things that need doing e.g. the dishes. Structure can be really useful, I hope this helps at least a bit!
Sending you love and hugs.

[Author]

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