- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 4 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Even though we’re technically broken up at the minute (though not really because he will not leave me alone) an argument from the other day has been bugging me and I wanted to get someone else’s perspective on it.
I asked him if we could (detail removed by moderator). He instantly said ‘no, I don’t want to’. So I said okay, I’ll just go by myself then.
He got really depressed when I said that and accused me of not loving him because I wanted to go somewhere without him. (Detail removed by moderator). So I said never mind, I won’t go, I didn’t really want to go that much anyway, etc etc. I hoped that would end the conversation but he was still sulking about it. This eventually turned into anger and he said I was so selfish and self centred for wanting to go when he doesn’t.
The conversation ended with me apologising for being selfish and thanking him for showing me I was wrong…I just would like to know whether, in a normal healthy relationship, it would be considered selfish to go somewhere without the other person, as I’ve never been in a ‘normal’ relationship before so I really am unsure.
-
No you are not wrong for wanting to do your own thing. Women everyday who are in partnerships do their own thing because that is a normal healthy thing to do. (Removed by moderator) I was about to get (removed by moderator) thrown at me I made a joke out of it told him he was funny put him on his pedestal to deactivate the situation. It worked a bit of name calling but the (removed by moderator) stayed in his hand. I’m guessing if you had not backed down he would have sulked so much more. You did what you had to do to keep the peace you shouldn’t have had to. He wants you to question yourself and to be unsure because it feeds his sense of power.
-
You have a right to be left alone. Can you go no contact and if he continues to contact you then tell the police. It’s only with no contact that the fog of abuse begins to clear. You have the right to decide who you want in your life. And who you do not want in your life. By not leaving you alone he is stalking you. Can you speak to your local women’s aid or speak to a domestic abuse officer on 101. These abusers play terrible mind games with us. They are experts at manipulation X
-
Hi equinoxal,
This kind of manipulative behaviour can be difficult to recognise as abusive, because it can be subtle and so confusing. However his actions are most certainly abusive and he is the only one who is at fault. His behaviour was not only selfish and rude, but he was also trying to make you feel to blame; which is what abusers do, to try and deflect any responsibility from themselves.
I agree with the other forum users, you have every right to spend time with others. In a normal relationship this should not be an issue. Sadly it’s quite common that abusers try to sabotage other relationships with friends or family, so that they can have more control.
As suggested above, reducing contact and working towards no contact with him will help. Please remember you can call the helpline if you would like to talk this through with a female support worker.
Keep posting,
Lisa
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
