Build himself up into a rage to justify abuse

[KIP.]

I saw a comment along these lines on a documentary about serial killers. Only they would build themselves up in a rage to kill. It’s exactly what they do. I remember a rage so terrifying and intense over the fact I bought the wrong kind of milk. Looking back I can see now how he would rage about something, anything. Using that rage to build on and justify his behaviour to himself. Just to get himself psyched up for the offensive he unleashed. Know your enemy x

[Twisted Sister]

Totally agree KIP. Manufactured anger, and its a joke that many arensent on anger management! They are the most anger managed people I have ever come across.

I really used to get drawn in and try to help and understand such rage at me, and would try to appease and reason, and he would switch to something completely different and up the anger!

I even recall him saying totally incomprehensible things just because I had started to detach a little and watch like a spectator, unfortunately that’s what made him rage at me even more, because it wasn’t working so well.

It’s shocking, and no wonder it takes us so very long to understand or realise what’s going on.

How could anyone think that someone is capable of this!

Sinister

[survivorandproud]

Absolutely agree. It got the the stage where any sort of rage was my fault, also loved saying comments that he was never angry before me. Like you say it justifies their behaviour in their eyes. Truly scary shocking men x

[Iwantmeback]

I asked my husband if hes always been an angry man and he said no. To which i said, then its only with me . He never replied

[Itwastimetostopit]

He would say I would say things deliberately to wind him up.
Would just rant at me relentlessly repeating himself

I stopped responding as much as I could.
Always had excuses to redeem his own behaviour

[lost]

Things i cant do. Well couldnt …(i dont care now.)..because they would wind him up to rediculous anger..

(Details removed by moderator)

All these led to massive outbursts. Shouting. Me crying.

The more i post on here the more strength it gives me because i see how rediculous this behaiviour is.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi lost, im the same the more i read and post the stronger and indignant im becoming. Ive not had as many souldestroyed days this week, just the odd lapse in dwelling on how hes treated me. Mindfulness is helping. When i find myself dwelling too much i consciously change my thoughts.
Hope you are coping and caring fir yourself more now too

[HopeLifeJoy]

It is shocking that they do get angry on purpose. What’s the pay-off I wonder? Can’t they instead just be happy on purpose? It’s so much more rewarding. How they choose to be angry and abusive is beyond me. I just don’t get the logic. Yes they do it for power and control, but we still leave at the end and they will eventually end up alone.

My ex used to have regular angry outbursts, very intimidating, like a sudden volcano eruption. That’s what I compared him too. A volcano who erupted ever so regularly. He did apologised afterwards and I comforted him each time. He always said it is because he had a violent childhood, he doesn’t know any better.
But his brother wouldn’t kill a fly and grew up in the same household. So why does one get angry and the other one not? Because it’s their choice. A sad choice.

[maddog]

Oh yes, the build-up! My ex had silent rages. All. The. Time. He used to sit in the living room sulking, in the kitchen sulking, in his office, sulking. He blamed me squarely for being angry.

I witnessed him building up a rage before he verbally assaulted and threatened a woman. Rage isn’t the same as anger. Yes, it’s like a volcano. In his silent rages he used to say that it was just him. He has no idea how pervasive he was. He filled the house with it.

[KIP.]

I’ve often thought it’s like a purge for them. To dump all their anger and rage on someone else left him feeling on top of the world. I think that’s why they never change. They just move onto the next victim for their fix. Obviously it’s easier to keep the victim they have than to break in a new one. I think that’s why they offer cheat. Having a next victim in the background for the inevitable. I was in the background for quite some time before I moved up to primary target x

[Iwantmeback]

I wish mine would cheat and discard but then i feel awful at wishing him on someone else

[teatime]

I have had two abusers. It’s a wonder I am even remotely sane.
One went absolutely mental because I did not buy something I said I had seen in a charity shop and he was worried it was valuable.He worked himself up so much he was drooling and his eyes bulging.
The other went slowly raving mad because I put my teacup neatly in the sink ready for washing up. ( yup). He claimed I was covertly telling him to wash up. The fact is he didn’t even wash his hands after the toilet….his rage stoked till the following morning when he attacked me in the car. He then drove me to a lonely spot and tried to frighten me.
I managed to escape and only returned with a friend to fetch my things.
Few days he turned up with a present and I gave him his door keys and he drove off at high speed.
Proceeded to stalk me Police etc

[Author]

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