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    • #129431
      Secretlife
      Participant

      The other day I met up with a friend who knows my situation. She commented on how much stronger I seem, and how focused I am now. This was so encouraging to hear, and in itself has made me feel even stronger! I smile to myself and think if friends are picking up on this, what is my husband thinking!!!

      It is also in stark contrast to 2 friends who choose not to want to meet up with me. I guess they are fed up with hearing my tales of woe, but it is also so hurtful, particularly as I have supported them both in the past. But, that said, I appreciate the good, supportive couple of friends I do have so much more.

      And my new inner strength is all down to the wonderful ladies on this forum with all their posts and comments. We are all so lucky to have access to this wonderful forum. Sending love and thanks to you all xx

    • #129434
      Wants To Help
      Participant

      That is great and encouraging to read Secretlife, so glad you are empowering yourself and it is paying off. Little things can make a big difference, and one little step at a time is one step further in to your journey of recovery.

      I also had friends that distanced themselves from me during my abusive relationship. They got tired of hearing the same things over and over again and probably got frustrated that I was doing nothing to help myself, other than have a good old moan about how awful he was and how unhappy I was. Sometimes you can’t help people who don’t help themselves, and you have to step back for your own mental health. I don’t hold it against them at all. As my journey continued, new people came in to my life along the way who became a huge part of my recovery.

      I wish you continued success in your recovery journey too xx

    • #129455
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Secretlife

      It’s nice to hear that this one friend has been supportive and noticed a positive change in you. It sounds like you are getting stronger by the day, keep going and please keep reaching out for the support.

      Thank you for your kind words about the forum, we are all here for you!

      Take care and keep posting,

      Lisa

    • #129458
      nbumblebee
      Participant

      @secretlife do your friends know your situation? I find that i am unable to tell anyone as all my friends are our friends i think its amazing that you have someone who is encouraging and supporting you and in turn you are now encouraging and supporting yourself and others like me. I hope you feel proud of yourself cause you are amazing x

    • #129460
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Well done Secretlife, more steps in the right direction 🙂 it’s good that you have some supportive friends. I understand why it would be hurtful to feel like other friends are avoiding you, especially when as you said you’ve supported them in the past. Unfortunately I’ve had a bit of a similar situation with a family member, I’m since discovering that they’re probably in denial about their own relationship being controlling.
      Anyway, I agree about the forum; speaking to other ladies who understand means the world xx

    • #129512
      Secretlife
      Participant

      Thank you ladies for your responses. It is always interesting to hear from others what their thoughts and feelings are. Sending love to you all xxxx

    • #129585
      Hebe
      Participant

      Hi Secretlife – so interesting to read your post and the responses. I have been blessed with the friends I have, they have been truly amazing. I couldn’t have made it without them, although I may have found a way. One thing is certain, in testing times, we find who our true friends are, who is reliable and who we can trust. In the relationship we are challenged with, it is trust which has flown. What I have learned only just recently is that friendship is invaluable, the pillow on which we can lay our weary heads for a moment. Those who desert you in times of need, don’t concern yourself too much, the energy is devoted to those who are there in times of crisis but also give you space to be. Very best wishes and hugs x

    • #129603
      Secretlife
      Participant

      Thank you H**e, your words are so true and made me think from a different perspective. Sending love xx

    • #129875
      soxy
      Participant

      Hey Secretlife, this is so good to hear well done! I’ve also had friends say the same about me this year and one I haven’t seen for a couple of years! It makes you feel so good doesn’t it and give you a real boost, like you’re going in the right way. I think the spouses figure something is going on, but hey that’s their issue! Its good to have some supportive friends and like you I’m blessed with that. I think for others, it’s not that they don’t care, they either don’t really understand or maybe they can’t cope and that’s fine. Well done and keep going, it makes you stand a bit taller and your post has made me smile, not been here for a while so worth looking just for this 🙂 x

    • #130022
      Secretlife
      Participant

      Hello Soxy

      I’m glad that my post made you smile, and that you can relate to it. It is a nice feeling isn’t it. I hope your strength is continuing to grow. Sending you a hug 🤗

    • #130773
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I hope I’m posting on the right section here . I don’t want to get to positive because I may get this completely wrong and that will be all my own fault but I actually think that being able to post on this forum is giving me grounds to start to create a little bit of strength within myself only a little bit but baby steps are always a good start aren’t they . There will be some things I won’t achieve for a while but I’m so grateful for this opportunity to get my thoughts down in writing. I just hope I have written this down in the correct section and I also don’t want to get too ahead of myself because before I know it I won’t like strong. I feel like a weakling again. I’m just so grateful that’s all. Thank you x

    • #130774
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I don’t really know if I do actually feel any stronger. The fact is that I can post a few things down and get them off my chest and feel happier for being able to post this stuff down. Its probably not strength it’s just comforting to be able express our problems in a safe secure space privately and securely and that is brilliant. The support is in abundance I’m just so grateful. So it’s not forced to be strength but the amount of support on this forum helps me tremendously. So so grateful.

    • #130784
      Secretlife
      Participant

      Hello Stargazing1

      Thank you for posting. I still have days when I feel weak and beaten by it all, but those days are not as often as they used to be before I discovered this forum. It is very comforting to know you are not on your own, and there is support here whenever you need it from people who understand completely. I have also learned about books and videos recommended by the ladies on here and these have been enormously helpful in gaining an understanding of abuse. I found the book ‘why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft very, very helpful, and I have watched several videos on YouTube by Dr Ramani and Les Carter which have been very informative. I find knowledge is power, and this is really helping me cope. I’m still with my abuser, but I am planning my escape. I am now in a very different place to where I was before joining this forum, so hopefully, in time, I will have the strength to leave. Sending you a virtual hug 🤗 xx

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