Building up the courage to end it

[Stuckinturmoil]

I know in my head I need to leave my husband as he will not change. But I still love and care about him. I have been with him since I left school. I dread leaving him as he is all I know. I don’t have any other relationships to compare it to which is why I have slowly let him abuse me more and more on a daily basis.
In his defence I honestly don’t think he realises he is abusive and he does honestly think I am needy.
The thought of us splitting up makes me feel sick. The children losing their home. His family I have known since I was a teenager. The thought of them all hating me. The embarrassment of telling the school and friends and colleagues. Seeing pity in people’s eyes. The constant worry that I am making a big mistake and he isn’t that bad after all I am just too sensitive. It’s all in my head.
But then hope creeps in of me sitting at my own kitchen table having a cup of tea and the sun is shining and it’s peaceful. I am not dreading the next verbal attack or ridiculing. I am just calm and looking forward to a happy future with a great caring partner one that I deserve. One that won’t take away my confidence but will help rebuild it. And then the doubt comes back. The next partner might be worse.

[Kitkat44]

It’s so very hard, I keep holding a very similar image in my mind of sitting with a cup of tea in my own space and feeling peace. It fills my heart with joy!
Do you have support? Friends that know your situation. I have known for a few years things are very unhealthy but only told my GP yesterday. I didn’t expect much but he really listened and took time to talk to me and that gave me a real boost.
Thinking of you x

[nbumblebee]

Hey there sweetie. I 100% feel your pain, Im there too. Well im not yet believing i should leave i wont admit that not yet because of all the reasons you have stated. I cant ever imagine myself leaving and that fills me with dread for my future but every now and again i have the exact dream you do sitting at that kitchen table with a cuppa and without that horrible dread in the pit of your tummy. How lovley that will be.
Our stories are all different but we can all understand how each of us feels this is an amazing forum to help you understand and learn but you have got to really want to learn and accept, thats my problem my eyes have been opened but im wearing sunglasses.
To me its sounds like your eyes have been opened and youbare ready to see and accept.
So maybe now its time to reach out get some support out there friends family someone you trust womans aid are also there for advise and support. Talk it over and reach out there are people out there that can and will help and maybe that dream of yours can soon ne a reality.
Hugs xx

[WhiskyRose]

I feel you, I am here too, it’s a very real feeling. I have recently built the strength through reaching out for support to end it, though i’m still here trying to battle my way – what really helped me is actually feeling powerful and free when telling people ! I don’t tell everyone everything but even the ‘we are separating’ or a snippet it makes me feel much stronger and I look forward to telling people now, using it as a power as opposed to letting it scare me. People have been much kinder and more understanding than I thought xx

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