But he loved me and the children…

[Ocean]

Right?
He was there when our children took their first breath. He seemed happy and excited to be a father.
His animation made me feel boring and careless in comparison.
He sad he’d die for me and spoke of his desires to be a hero. His words made him sound so caring and selfless.
He would use these words against me when I didn’t want sex. He would say I would die for you, but you don’t love me.
He even told me that there was no reason to come home if I didn’t have sex with him. This was when we had children at home too.
There came a point when I learned to listen to his actions and not his words. His actions said something completely different.
That certainty I came to then is blurry to me now.
I can’t help but think, he must have loved us and wanted the best as he said.
But then, he has done so much wrong and unlawful things to us.
Is he just twisted in his thinking? Or is it deliberate?

[Mellow]

He’s twisted I started watching actions aswell I even started bringing it up actions don’t match words but he was oblivious to this they don’t realise it’s embedded in them .whatever they say or do they are that accustomed to the behaviour they won’t change I have tried to save our relationship several years and kids together.even planned children and realised everything I’ve done for him even sacrafised my health and many other things .my parent was dying tho he was there towards the end he never seemed to believe it and I felt like he didn’t want me to go and be there he just didn’t care also another sick parent which he has always tried to say she isn’t despite being on several meds when my daughter had problems he was dismissive and said she’s ok these people are wired right .they don’t love they look at what you have to offer and he is threatening you to control you saying he will die I’s so you do what he wants .they don’t love not even their own kids you need to be very careful because they see to their own needs before there kids I’ve noticed this a lot keep watching there has been times my daughter nearly fell as a baby he was that angry he didn’t care even times dangerous things have happened they are oblivious to what they are doing they just think of themselves and what’s going on in their lives they don’t love their kids even if they say it they use them to show of to others like father of the year and fill voids

[Bananaboat]

These men are deeply damaged and unhappy. Most have some feelings, so yeah I chose to believe he was genuinely happy when his child was born, there were times he loved me and what we had, he used to say I gave him calmness in his life. But, the damage inside him is so deeply rooted that the child and other things became tools to aid his image, to back up his entitled views, reaffirmed his archaic view of women whilst simultaneously using gender equality as the excuse for getting me to pay for everything and be responsible for all chores/childcare whilst working full time. In my case I’d watch his parents belittle him, destroy his confidence and achievements, whilst bigging themselves up – then watch him do the same with our kids. I don’t know if all of their behaviour is consciously deliberate I think a lot is learnt or so deeply ingrained it’s instinctive but the thing is when they’re called out on it they deny/gaslight/don’t apologise and that is deliberate. Their minds are wired differently so we’ll probably never truly know the answer xx

[Author]

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