- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I came across some old papers at the weekend, as I was clearing out.
I don’t know where I got them ( maybe from the DV outreach), but they have some sound bits of advice in them.
I thought I would bullet point a few ( trying to keep things succinct!):
– Realistic goals: involves being in touch with your feelings, your values and your dreams ( not your parents’, partners- yours!) and understanding where your interests and talents lie, where you feel energised
– If you could be any kind of person, anywhere, doing anything, who would you be? What kind of work would you do? Where would you live? These are dream goals, and though it’s important to be realistic about barriers to them, dreams can lead to a reality if you use them as a springboard. Being flexible when goal-setting permits you to plot realistic, achievable goals.
-Goal-setting for yourself is rarely ‘permitted’ by your abuser, and you may have given up on dreams as you frantically tried to keep the peace. From today, you no longer need to build your goals in denial or fantasy. You can begin to anticipate succeeding becUse you now base them on yourself.
– Make a plan by writing down both long and short-term goals. Under each, wrote the steps that you think will be necessary to achieve them. Set small
Daily goals to begin to accomplish each step. Check them off as they are done. If something isn’t working, reassess it and don’t be afraid to make changes to your plan. Be wary of perfectionism: approach the above with flexibility, patience with yourself and acceptance of yourself as simply human.– It is important – at this time requiring commitment, determination and energy- to surround yourself with caring, supportive people. Avoid unsupportive relatives and friends.
-Ask knowledgeable people for help. Advocates, educators, or whatever services offer information relating to your specific needs.
– Keep on talking. Don’t isolate yourself. Counselling is helpful when you are moving in new directions, developing new patterns and habits. Counselling is an adventure of mapping unchartered territory in oneself.
– You may feel reluctant to focus on goals just for you. Women who have been abused especially feel guilty for doing so. Giving yourself small gifts will make you more receptive to and accepting of the concept of your own worthiness. It can be helpful to practice saying ‘I need’ or I want’ or ‘I deserve.’ You do deserve goals that will make you happy and complete and you deserve to succeed.
-Take good care of yourself with diet, healthcare and diet.
– Allow yourself to be the child you maybe never had the chance to be, by having fun. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured.
– Be patient with your progress. You may have hiccups along the way, but keep your eye on the big picture.
-Develop a sense of humour again. And remember to always be a bulldog- defend your boundaries at all times!
-Listen to and trust your own feelings. This is the beginning of finding out who you really are.
Xx
-
I love this Serenity, thanks for sharing! I keep meaning to properly type up a new set of life goals using the ‘SMART’ technique. I have goals in my head but not written down anywhere nor the steps I need to reach them which I think makes me feel a bit muddled sometimes. This is a good reminder thank you 🙂
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
