Can an abuser really change?

[Awayfromhome]

Second of the night.

So, as mentioned on my previous post, my husband has accepted all the damage he has done. He is very remorseful (or appears to be). He wants to do an abusers program. “Anything to get you and my LO back”.

Do they really change though? Is there anyone that have had someone that really did change?

[Shura]

From my own experience, no they dont change. they learn different ways of how to abuse. the remorse is not real if there are no actions to support that, words mean nothing, remember that , keep an eye on his actions. Anything to get you and LO back means exactly that, anything, even if it means to play along for some time making you believe he has changed. once he sees youre back and trust him again, the abuse will restart. nothing they do is for nothing. he wants to do the program and he does the program are 2 different things. stay safe x*x

[Hereforhelp]

Hi, in my experience no they do not change. Is your partner actively seeking help for himself and you are seeing the difference or is he telling you that he will do anything to get you and LO back? As the latter is just words to keep you hooked, if he has got his own help and is concentrating on being a better person then that’s his personal journey to better himself.. not just words of ‘I will do anything’, that’s a typical abusers wording, sounds strong but actually it is just empty words.

Trust what’s real, not words, trust yourself and your gut ❤

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, my now ex husband did the same with me. Sourced out a councillor, promised he’d change. Accepted all the blame, which really threw me. I even went to a few sessions with him and a few on my own, which he never knew about. Actions speak a lot louder than words, so for all he’s saying he’s going to a councillor, just watch and wait. After a few sessions he’ll say it’s not working, it’s a waste of time and money. What this means is he’s not getting you back. You are not the prize for good behaviour. An abuser will say and do anything to win you back, even act as if they are sorry, but it’s just that, an act. They can’t keep it up.
I wish you strength to stay with him until you find your enough is enough moment.
Best wishes
IWMB 💞💞

[StrongLife]

From my point of view here, I waited yrs for him to change, he never did and I left after realising I did not love him and I had more immediate things to do.

In my case, no.

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