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Do you mean they’re unintentionally gaslighting because they see things so differently? I don’t know much about autism. But I would say that the important question is how does the behaviour malmake you feel? True gaslighting is where the person is knowingly trying to make the other person feel like they’re going mad. But my experience is that abusive behaviour doesn’t need to be true gaslighting to have a similar effect. Abusers are often trying to force you to meet their expectations because they think they’re right and you need to change. If somebody is constantly telling you you’re wrong/useless/not good enough etc you start to doubt your ability to manage. If somebody is constantly challenging your judgement you start to doubt it. Then you can be left so confused about everything, which is very similar to how you’d feel if somebody was knowingly trying to make you doubt yourself.
I hope that makes sense. I short, if the behaviour makes you feel like you’re not good enough then it’s not ok whether it’s true gaslighting or not. Xxxxx
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Its so hard to tell. The gaslighting behaviour is lying, or talking without context, mirroring, saying I am manipulating the kids, never taking on board that others have their own emotions, and has rage outbursts. the autistic person also buys kids gifts “because they want them” I have looked into autism and they can appear self centred, have rage outbursts, dont understand context or emotional context. This is towards me, and professionals about me. In therapy and trying to move past thinking he must be abusing the kids, however don’t want to accept behaviours just because he doesnt know what he is doing.
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I’m here from the other end. I am autistic, and I have no idea if I’m the survivor or primary aggressor. He says I’m an abuser.
It is very hard feeling like I think and speak in a different language than a lot of other people, including my partner. He has accused me of gaslighting in the past.
I don’t know up from down anymore, but my suspicion is that 1-he and I talk past each other because we do not communicate the same way, and 2-he and/or I both make severe cognitive errors when in fight-or-flight states (him in a black rage, me in a meltdown).
I think in a lot of cases, what looks like gaslighting (in general, not just with my situation) may be the result of such errors and/or conflicting narratives/beliefs, but sometimes it is deliberate and malicious.
Hypothetically, any person is capable of approaching a relationship with motivations to control and have power over another person, and such a person might gaslight along the way. I don’t think being NT, autistic, or having any other particular neurology would really have a bearing on this.
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