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Today I broke down at the health visitor and told her about what’s being going on. I am now so worried about the repercussions. She said I’d need to see her this week to go through all the details and she would need to refer it on to the social care team as I have both kids living here. What I felt was the right thing to do, I now completely regret it.
Can anyone advise what the process is now? I am completely clueless to what will happen.
My partner will be home from work soon and I don’t even know how to be around him.
I am so worried about the kids and the fact that social will be involved. And really panicking about what he will do once he finds out I’ve been talking to people.
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LizSky, im really sorry I don’t have any advice as I never told my HV what was goinh on. It’s brilliant that you felt safe enough to be able to confide in yours. They will just want you and your kids to be safe. Hipefully someone on here will be able to advise you on what usually happens next. Try not to worry about it though I know it’s easier said than done. I would just act completely normal with your partner, don’t tell him anything. I have always been told that as soon as they get a sniff that we are trying to take steps to leave them then they see red and are most dangerous so I would just carry out your evening as normal. Hope you get the advice you need. Xx
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Guilt at asking for help is a learned trait – our abusers teach us to feel this way so that we don’t report them or leave them. You will hear the phrase the FOG of abuse on here a lot. It’s partly a description of how our brains can feel with an abuser, but is also an acronym describing the reasons we stay. Fear. Obligation. Guilt. These will all feel particularly strong now you are seeking help. I have been out for months and I know my ex was abusive and I still sometimes feel guilty for telling people. And obviously as you are still with him fear is a reasonable feeling. Hopefully you will be able to leave before he finds out that you have asked for help though. And don’t worry about the social services getting involved. They are there to help you. And they will want to keep you and your kids together.
Hopefully someone who has gone through this with kids will reply too and be able to tell you what happens. But you could also ring through to the helpline for some advice.
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Thank you both for your kind words.
I don’t even know how I got the words out to the health visitor. He agreed to stay with family last night – I think he knows something’s going on as he turned up in the night and was questioning me. I have never felt this sick and upset even after everything that’s happened. I feel such a bad mum for now having to put the kids through everything and know that he’s going to try and spin the whole situation on me.
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You haven’t put your kids through anything. None of this is your fault. You are only trying to protect yourself and the kids. This is a good thing. I know it feels awful, but you are doing the right thing. He will try and make out it is your fault. That’s what abusers do. But it absolutely isn’t. You wouldn’t have to do this if he wasn’t abusive.
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