Can anyone relate…rape drug by stranger…..husband took advantage

[WIML]

Hi
So I just wondered if anyone else has been through the same as me. I’m struggle to understand it, or process it, and would love to chat to anyone who has been in the same position.

Several years ago, I was out with (detail removed by moderator), 2 (detail removed by moderator) men started to chatting to us and we joked that they (detail removed by moderator), so one guy said come over to this table and I will (detail removed by moderator), it was all just innocent banter. I remember putting my drink down on the table and then black….. my (detail removed by moderator) said it was like a switch o couldn’t walk or talk,,,she managed to get me away from these people and got me home to my husband. I have little flashes of the night when I got home, I remember vomiting a lot (detail removed by moderator) then me being naked on the bathroom floor, and my husband having sex with me, vaginally and anally. In the morning I remembered parts of it and felt violated and upset and confused by his actions. He sort of laughed it off and said I was up for it!

I didn’t tell anyone about it because I was so confused, I thought about it for years and it impacted my relationship hugely. I am still with him but I feel I have some hate on me towards him.

I have posted on another forum about this and people have said this is no doubt rape. I don’t know if I would say I feel like I was raped, I definitely felt and still feel violated. Has anyone else had this happen? How did you deal with it? TIA

[KIP.]

It’s definitely rape. Please ring rape crisis helpline and talk to someone about this. If he’s capable of doing this to someone he’s supposed to care about then I dread to think what else he has done. It was alcohol with my ex. He would ply me with drink when I was younG. You must be able to consent to sexual intercourse so it’s rape. If he was questioned by the police they would ask him how he knew you were consenting? Passed out in the floor is not consent. Vaginally or anally. It’s the worst feeling to have to admit that the person who is supposed to love and protect us is actually the one that deliberately hurts us. Then laughs it off to minimise his behaviour but it’s not right legal or respectful. I dealt with it through counselling x

[Eggshells]

Hi WIML.

As KIP said, yes, that was rape. Rape is horrific and whilst you may not expect a stranger to respect you or care for you when you are vulnerable, you should expect your loved ones to.

I’ve cared for someone very close to me who was roofied and it was frightening and heartbreaking to see him like that. Someone who loves you would have taken care of you whilst you were in that state, not taken advantage of you.

There are so many layers to this. I’m not surprised you feel like you do.

[WIML]

Is it still rape if I was conscious and apparently communicating,,although I don’t remember anything?

[Eggshells]

In order for you to give consent, you have to have sufficient mental capacity to do so. The boundaries around consent can be a little blurred, e.g assumed consent. However, I think it would be very difficult to find anyone who would agree that you were in a position to give informed and conscious consent whilst you were under the influence of roofies. That is why they are called date rape drugs. There is no blurred issue around consent when you have been drugged, it’s very clear. You were not in a fit state to give consent; it was rape.

[KIP.]

If you found someone in the state you were in, would you continue to have sex with them? The fact that he’s your husband doesn’t matter in law. He saw a vulnerable woman unable to resist or even consent and he sexually assaulted and raped her. I know it’s horrific to believe that someone who is supposed to care about you would do this to you but it shows his complete lack of care. Please speak to the rape crisis helpline as this kind of trauma can affect your mental health badly x

[Camel]

Hello WIML

This is a truly horrific event for you to still be trying to process years later. The fact that it’s still an issue for you is proof enough that something about it was most definitely wrong.

Is this one thing honestly the only issue with your relationship? Or is it the worst of many? I ask you this because when your husband laughed off your concerns he was gaslighting you. In other words he has forced you to spend years questioning your reality.

I agree with everyone else that you should seek out help from a rape counselling service. I’d feel hate too in your situation. Don’t dismiss your own doubts and feelings a moment longer.

[Author]

Posts