Can he just walk back in?

[chalk board]

I am so worried, I split up from my husband of (detail removed by Moderator) years (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago. I told him I don’t want to be with him anymore. He left and is staying with his family. I am in a rented house and his name is on the tenancy. He is threatening to come back. I don’t want him back, it’s taken me about (detail removed by Moderator) years to tell him its over. Does he have any rights to just walk back in? I still feel like I am being controlled by him. He isn’t physically violent.

Advice please? Xx

[lover of no contact]

Hi and welcomw chalk board,

Its good you found this forum. You husband will not want to let you go. He will try various tactics to get you back into the abusive relationship with him. He gets an ‘adrenaline kick’ out of seeing you hurt, upset, worried and in fear. With you and him living apart he is not going to be getting his buzz (from hurting you). He will do his utmost to get back into your space (whether you like it or not), he needs someone to hurt and he has spent 2 decades of his time, energy and expense getting you where he wants to so he has someone he can hurt (he feels powerful then).

He will be full of fury that you left the abusive relationship. He doesn’t want his victim (you)to get away otherwise he has to spend time priming in a new victim (emotional punchbag). You are easier, as he has broken you in for (detail removed by Moderator).

However you are very strong. You did get away. You did get out of the cycle of abuse (google ‘cycle of abuse’ and ‘Power and Control wheel’). Don’t let him get you back into the Cycle of Abuse. I don’t know about this present living space with his name on the tenancy. Maybe some of the other ladies may know. Try also to ring Women’s Aid, they may know. But if the worst comes to the worst and he is legally entitled to move back into your present living space, you still have choices. You can choose to invest your time and energy into finding a living space where his name is not on the tenancy and he just can’t do what he wants when you don’t want it. That’s what abusers are like. They refuse to hear the word no. They think they are entitled to do what they want, when they want, despite others’ wishes.

Keep posting and reading the posts on here because when this tactic of his doesn’t work he will try to ‘hoover’ you back into the abusive relationship with another threat/tactic.

Knowledge and awareness is Power, you will gain that through this Forum.

[Jupiter]

Hi

You have decided what you want and need support re your home and privacy.Can you get advice either from your landlord CAB or local advocacy service to secure tenancy in your name only or another place without him?
If the landlord is the council or similar perhaps they could provide advice about your situation.Taking action will give you back some power and make you feel safer.

Jupiter

[chalk board]

Thank you for your advice and help. It has taken me years to realise that it is abuse. Because he wasn’t violent it didn’t seem like abuse, we even used to joke that when he wanted something he would wear me down by keep nagging and asking then sulking until I gave in wether we could afford it or not. 🙁

[Confused123]

HI hun

I would get the name of the tennancy changed onto yours or find alternative accomodation, if his name is on agreement he is responsible for house, if u r paying for rent def consider the above two options.Call the helpline to get further guidance too

[Author]

Posts