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    • #145474
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I posted the other day about how I’d been in contact with my ex’s now recent ex… she’d been asking for contact with my child as her kids miss my child. I had tried to gage if she was still in contact with my ex as I didn’t want any trouble… she asked me loads of questions which in hindsight i shouldn’t have answered… she asked (detail removed by moderator) and asked if he’d been abusive- I told her he had… she then told me (detail removed by moderator) I was aware she’d probably tell him we’d spoken- and she has. He’s now told me that he’s going to tell the police (detail removed by moderator)… and I can be arrested. I mean I wouldn’t be surprised as the police here are awful. He was arrested (detail removed by moderator)whilst with me for assaulting me- but case was dropped unfortunately

    • #145476
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi Starmoon

      This must be scarey for you, but from what I’ve known about defamation its a civil and not criminal matter, so not something police could be involved in. In essence, you must have published something which brings damage (professionally or commercially), and can involve the person making profit from.

      If you wanted to check the law, I’ve put the link to the .gov website HERE

      I doubt very much he would do this, but its worth checking with a legal body, for instance, this could be something that CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau) could help you with for free, I believe you might be able to do this online and not have to wait for an appt with someone, but also many CAB offices have a solicitor run free drop in sessions for the public for this purpose.

      Your situation is more legally framed as ‘entrapment’, which is a legal term for a situation that has been contrived to deliberately extract information from you, and in your case, as a result of emotional blackmail, the fact that he used a third party claiming she missed your children, and was a woman that was potentially going to be at risk from your ex in the light of this information. Plus, you have arrests of him, and I wonder do you have a non-mol against him, as this is likely to state that he should not use third parties to contact/manipulate you (or similar wording). If you do not have one, it does sound like you need one for your own protection and that of your children. If you do have one against him, then report his actions to the police as this is crime that the police are expected to arrest the offender for under a non-mol (providing it states this,which they commonly do).

      I hope this eases your fear? You could also call the police anyway and make the enquiry of what your actual threat is in this situation. I have done this after being very scared by a direct threat to me that the police would be coming to arrest me, and I called them and they confirmed that there is no crime and they definitely wouldn’t be coming. It might be best to ensure for yourself first though, as I obviously had to tell them what I was being accused of doing, which could have been an admittance of a crime (I didn’t know at the time, but I was very sure that it couldn’t have been twisted into being a crime).

      Let us know how you get on.

      Warmest wishes

      ts

      • #145477
        Starmoon
        Participant

        Thank you so so much for your reply! I hadn’t even considered that this could be classed as entrapment. (detail removed by moderator) She went on to ask for contact and said how much her and her children missed her.
        (detail removed by moderator)… I realise I shouldn’t have done now. She just asked me a lot of questions.. I tried not to give too much detail and when I realised that he obviously hadn’t been abusive towards her, I tried to cut the conversation off.

      • #145478
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        hi, If he’s abused you he will be abusing her, abusers don’t change that quick. She might not be ready to face that, but he’s abused her by manipulating her into this contrived situation with you in order to extract emotionally blackmailed information from you! Why didn’t he do this? Why didn’t she say to him, that she’s not going to manipulate someone else into falsely letting her children go! She’s acted illegally as a result of his manipulations, to try to coerce you through emotional blackmail, and he’s behind this, so you can be sure he hasn’t changed.

        She is completely oblivious and is in love-bombing stage where he’s manipulated her into literally doing anything for him, he’s her absolute world!

        She’s deliberately misled you over contact of your children, and he’s deliberately manipulated her into this. …but why did he do it, why didn’t he ask you direct? Because you’d have said no? Because he’s legally not allowed to?

        warmest wishes

        ts

      • #145491
        Starmoon
        Participant

        In her messages she did nothing but sing his praises and I didn’t argue or disagree, I just answered some of the things she asked me, and said (detail removed by moderator).

      • #145494
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        did he do this because theres a non-mol against him? or just because he thought you wouldn’t agree to it if he asked?

      • #145501
        Starmoon
        Participant

        There’s no non mol and he already sees our child. It was her asking if she could see her (detail removed by moderator).

      • #145504
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        It sounds like you need one! Pulling stunts like this, continuing to abuse/threaten you. It might be enough to put a stop to it. Yes, I realised she’d tricked you into thinking they’d split, just more lies. You need to protect yourself from these threats. xx

    • #145530
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I don’t think I’d have any grounds to get that sort of order unfortunately… the police never even gave him so much as a slap on the wrists for the things he did to me… I really wouldn’t put it past them trying to make an example of me and arrest me for this

      • #145558
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        Hi Starmoon

        If you’ve been abused, and he is still trying to get you, like you have posted he has trying to walk you into traps using others, you need one.

        This is manipulation and coercion. I doubt very much it was just for her, as if so surely she would be with him when he has contact so that they can all be together. Is this an arrangement for contact that you have sorted out between you amicably, or through a court order? xx

    • #145586
      Starmoon
      Participant

      (detail removed by Moderator) It doesn’t make any sense.. she asked so many questions but when I answered she said that wasn’t him. I didn’t argue with her. Does make me wonder why, If their relationship was/is so good- then why ask me for contact and not just see her whilst she’s with him. So far I’ve heard nothing from the police… so either they’re currently busy or they aren’t going to do anything anyway

      • #145591
        Twisted Sister
        Participant

        I’m pretty sure the police won’t be interested in this! Its not a crime, and they’d be the crims if so!

    • #145784
      Eggshells
      Participant

      It sounds like the whole thing was a lie. If she is still with him. or back with him, then the idea that her kids miss your child was a fabrication.

      (detail removed by Moderator)

      TS has given you really sound advice. Whilst you are working your way through that advice, please try to stay calm. I’d be amazed if this amounted to anything more than hot air.

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