can I leave?

[cupcakes]

Just thinking of all options…. we have a mortgage together, but can I leave? can I take my children and go in to rented accommodation?

[ILoveMusic]

Hi Cupcakes,

Of course you can – Sourcing the right accommodation close to schools (if they are school age) could be an option for head space etc until HE is forced to leave or the property is sold or whatever.

What kind of man would actually allow this to happen though?!…WOW they are the pits!! If money is no object then wth isn’t he getting himself out of there rather than continue to infect you and your children….

I’d be on it today – Each day with an abuser is another day of damage – Take control for you and your children – HE is not worth another moments misery.

[Lightness]

Yes you can. I would suggest you seek legal advice. Most will speak on the phone free of charge initially.

[KIP.]

Ring the helpline and get in touch with your local womens aid. They have contacts at the housing department, access to refuges and lots of other useful organisations. My advice would be to get an occupation order through your solicitor so that you and the kids can stay where they are. If this is too much for you to handle and you can afford to rent, then thats another option. You can do whatever you choose. It is your life. No contact with abusers is what is needed until the fog of abuse clears. The fact that you have to ask us if you can leave actually shows the level of your self confidence and self esteem. Eroded by abuse x

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

Wanted to show u support, i would advise u exactly what kip said and then inform benfits u have seperated and kids with u , all money will come to u and u can apply for help with housing benefit too, u can do this , just get the support that u need from agencies,

[cupcakes]

Thank you all I managed to get some advice and my solicitor didn’t recommend it. We are going to try and get him out through the courts. I am just so scared about all of this. I don’t have any confidence in myself and my self esteem has gone. Once he starts shouting or talking at me I’m like a little scared mouse and I am too scared to stand up to him. If I try he gets worse and then I get more scared. I hate what he has done to me x

[Dragonfly]

A good plan cupcakes. If you leave without seeking legal advice this can go in his favour iro the house and mortgage. Better to get him out. If it’s unsafe or threatening you call the police x

[KIP.]

Hey there, i was too scared to stand up to my ex. In the end i had to take a leap of faith and trust womens aid worker, solicitor and police to sort him out as imwas just too frozen with trauma. There are people out there who can help and they care more about your welfare than your partner does x

[cupcakes]

Thank you each day is becoming more unbearable and what breaks my heart is two little children are here right in the middle of this.

I can’t see any light at the end of this yet I feel like I have months and months of heartbreak to deal with

I just wish he would do the right thing and go

[KIP.]

We had a son right in the middle. No matter how much i tried to keep him out of it, his father would use him and lie to him to continue his abuse. It was horrific for him, then his dad would accuse me of involving him, pathalogical lies. Gas lighting. Absolutely shocking behaviour. You cannot fight these men when your are in the aame house. You need safety and distance. Get that occupation order before things get really nasty and physical x

[Ayanna]

He has to leave because the kids need a stable home.
Call the police if you are scared and get him an occupation order.

[Author]

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