7th January 2016 at 6:03 pm #7238MoonParticipant
Haven’t been able to post for a while, been really difficult.
I didn’t manage to do the housework and all my jobs the other day so had a really bad eve 😢
He ended up putting bleach on me inside me and out 😢 aswell as hurting me in all ways he has before – I been struggling this week with pain and discomfort and just understanding why !!!
I managed to get hold of my idva and briefly tell her what happened as he has been on my case all week and watching my every move.
I am going to the local sarc unit to have some evidence collected tomor and both me and my daughter have a place in a refuge and a plan to go tomorrow.
At the moment although am feeling sick I feel I can do this – need a new life or he is going to take my life very soon, especially as we have our case conference and legal planning meeting coming up (he is going to be told about it nx wk)
I just hope I wake up tomor feeling like I can do it …….. One more night of this nightmare ….. Hopefully.
Has anyone got any advice on what to take, what to do, or if I am doing the right thing ???
I feel like I haven’t planned for this as only found out today
Thank you in advance for any help, advice or hugs x*x
7th January 2016 at 8:03 pm #7242katieloveParticipant
I really feel for you; what an utterly disgusting man.
You CAN do this. You CAN be brave. And of course you are doing the right thing. You don’t need to plan – you need to escape and save yourself. Everything else will be taken care of.
The very best of luck tomorrow you brave, brave lady x x x
7th January 2016 at 8:28 pm #7243MoonParticipant
Thank you for your reply, felt so brave earlier now seem to be taking myself out . Am feeling selfish for going for some bizarre reason and am wondering how he is going to cope ( mad thoughts arnt they ?!)
The plan sounds safe just still so scared about it though massive jump !
My foster dad passed away (day removed by Moderator) so I don’t know if I need to wait until after his funeral?
But because of meetings and information sharing this week I don’t even know if I will still be around for this important event.
Just want to do the right thing for everyone . Feel I can take it all if everyone else is happy although what he done to me this week has and still is causing so much pain both inside and out so struggling as first time have had a constant reminder due to injuries xx
7th January 2016 at 8:53 pm #7244katieloveParticipant
You need to leave tomorrow. Your foster dad would want you to be safe. You can say your goodbyes to him when you are able. You can send flowers.
Please please get out tomorrow. I have been in a similar situation, but without the severe physical abuse. The first months are difficult but you will get help.
I wish I had left ages before I did. You may get even more severely hurt. Please leave. We have been programmed to feel guilty but this is a false feeling.
I will be thinking of you. X x
7th January 2016 at 8:58 pm #7246lover of no contactParticipant
That’s a horrific thing for him to do. To pour bleach over you. That really is the abuse in plain view and the pain from the injuries must be awful. What a cruel act to carry out towards another human being, and one he’s supposed to love and cherish and protect. No, all they can do is abuse. I only hope the bleach didn’t go near your face.
He will manage fine without you. You feel like that because you are a kind, normal person. But let me tell you he will manage fine without you. He will manipulate another person to cater to his needs or he will ‘charm’ and woo another victim. They have no empathy, no remorse. He will not miss you per se, he will miss what you could do for him. He will be sad yes, but sad for himself now that he has lost his main narcissistic supply who would wait on him hand and foot.
This is perhaps the most difficult days at this point, escaping from the clutches of an abuser so you may continue to live. Because your feeling that he may take your life soon is predictably accurate going by the fact that he has started physically destroying you, using bleach.
You will get through this. Keep your supports close by you and use them and lean on them as much as you can. Don’t let your abuser know a thing. They are ruthless. True criminals. Try and keep your strength up, eat well, sleep and rest as much as you can. This is a battle. Your fight for freedom. You can do it. You are not on your own. I am sending you my prayers.
I am sorry for your loss but your priority is the saving of your life for you and your daughter. You can always mark the passing of your foster father in your own way with your own service if you don’t make the funeral due to what’s going on.
Sending you strength and prayers.
7th January 2016 at 10:34 pm #7263Winterblues2Participant
I have been checking the website constantly for the last fews days desperately hoping to hear that you were ok. When I read this post I cried, I was so pleased that you were able to post, so upset by what he had done to you and so proud of you for making plans for tomorrow. I will probably never meet you or know you name, much like the other wonderful women on here, but please know that when we read your posts we are all desperately routing for you and wishing you the best of luck to get out and live in the freedom you deserve.
I have been out for around a year. I’m not going to lie, it is hard at the beginning, as, like you have already suggested you have concerns over how he will react and how you will cope but trust me you will. As others have said he will eventually move on and so will you.
In the morning, at your earliest convenience make that step towards freedom before you have a chance to think about it. Do not look back, just go.
As for what to take, prioritise you and your daughter, if it means just the clothes on your back than at least you are safe. Otherwise try and gather ID – Passports etc. and money/ bank cards.
You CAN do this! You are incredibly strong and so worthy of freedom. Please do not doubt yourself, go and never ever look back. We are all here for you at any time of day.
I will be thinking of you all day and checking the forum constantly, truly wishing you all the luck in the world.
7th January 2016 at 10:38 pm #7264DaisyParticipant
Tomorrow, if it is quick and safe and easy to do so take identification for you and your daughter, your money and account details, passports, benefit award letters, and anything else you feel you can’t manage overnight without, but the main this is to get away, quirky and safely.
All other things can be replaced, you can’t ,
I too will be thinking of you tomorrow,
All the doubts you have relating to how he will react, cope, or how it will effect anyone else banish from your mind, get safe first and foremost,
It will be easier to see and decide on when you are safely away, and have had some rest and recovery from living with the constant fear and reality of abuse
X x x
8th January 2016 at 12:01 am #7278SerenityParticipant
What a horrific man. Disgusting and vile.
I agree with Lover of NC, you have no need to worry about him after you have gone. She has worded it perfectly. His sights will be set on getting attention from elsewhere to get his needs met.
I am so glad you are getting out. Please ensure you go when it is safe to do so- when he is out, or when you have support.
The time an abused woman leaves is most dangerous time. All of us here are concerned about you. Please let us know how things are tomorrow X
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