Can NOT believe this!

[Jelly bean]

So I literally am still in disbelief about aomething that has recently happened..

Ino I’m not allowed to go into any details, but.. For a specific reason, I sat in a room with my ex (with someone else – professional) and I actually opened my mouth and spoke things from my own mind in my own words without him saying a word.. I can’t believe this! I’ve spent months being petrified of even bumping into him so to actually go into a room and speak infront of and to him is on a different level!

Before hand I was a mess, I didn’t know if I could do it, I was sick, I had stomach cramps, I was dizzy, I felt faint. But I had some warm encouragement from a professional and my family and I just did it. I can’t describe how proud of myself I am.

And do you know what.. He didn’t look at me the whole time. He just sat there. Infact, he barely said anything more than a few short word answers.

I mean I’m not going to say I’m magically cured of my anxieties about what I’ve been through and still going through, there’s good and bad days and that day was a pretty good day in my eyes.

I’ve taken on board every single piece of advice I’ve been given from this forum and I can honestly say that speaking to people on here has changed my life.

No body has actually picked up on what my ex is like, after all there’s no actual evidence and it’s my word against his. Even the police records don’t seem to make any difference.
I’m also still expected to be in contact with him.. Not sure how I’m going to handle it but all I can do is remember to not show him that he’s got to me. Keep my head held high and do what’s best for my children.

Hopefully he has seen a side to me that he doesn’t like – the side that doesn’t let him control me! I just fear now that the control will move from me to the kids…

[mixed-up mum]

WELL DONE YOU – YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!!! 🙂

Oh how I wish I had your strength and courage – to stand up to my ex and actually SAY what I think and SAY what I want, and not still be the good little wifie, too scared to speak up against her ex.

I just STILL always go along with what he says or what he wants – and I don’t need to – we are separated – I’m free – he can’t hurt me anymore – so WHY am I still scared – he just needs to give me ‘that look’ – and I revert back to being the submissive little wifie I always was……

Even when we were in mediation I just went along with whatever HE wanted and whatever he said – I’m scared of rows and fighting – so do what he wants to ‘keep the peace’.

That’s the thing unless he hits you and there are cuts or bruises – then often the abuse goes unseen an unnoticed – and its only your word against his – and as the saying goes….no one knows what goes on behind closed doors – oh so true – no one but you knows what your ex was like to live with, and how you were treated.

Good on ya Jelly bean – you are amazing!!!!

🙂 x*x. 🙂

[Author]

Posts