Can only deal/work with women

[Eve1]

I’ve just done’work experience’ for a day, via the job centre, I could have done it for weeks, the was a job supposedly at the end of it, but just one day in the office was enough. It was mostly men, some quite young, and I just know I wouldn’t fit in and I didn’t want to. There was a lot of’banter’. And swearing. Athe least I was free to say no thanks and I’m not stuck there. I felt so depressed at the end of the day. I can possibly do something self employed which I’m leaning towards.

My daughter’s had a few bad days too and it’s really triggered me. I couldn’t stop crying this morning. Haven’t felt that for a while.

This not being able to work with men feels like a real problem for me right now. I want to ring this WA number I have but I keep putting it off, or just not really knowing what to say.

Just couldn’t be assertive at this place yesterday at all. I knew I’d end up doing my usual thing of doing the boring, easy stuff and hiding.

I’ve arranged to meet my ex sister in law ( ex abusive husband’ s sister) (removed by moderator). We try to remain friends but it’s not easy. (Removed by moderator).  Her mum is very controlling and difficult but it’s covert. Her daughter is completely controlled by her. I haven’t seen them since my Mum died, so I want to at least pay this visit, but try to at least keep some of it on my terms. But it’s unsettled me a bit also.

Some days I can still feel why I stayed in my marriage for so long. Doing everything on your own is tough.

xx

[Lisa]

Hi Eve1,

I’m sorry to read how you’ve been feeling. Although the work experience was not a positive experience itself, it’s positive that you recognised it was a situation which would not work for you and you were assertive in declining it.

It is understandable that you feel triggered by the prospect of meeting up with your ex’s family. It’s obviously your choice how you proceed with this, but I’d encourage you to do what will be best for your well-being. You don’t have to meet up with them, and often it becomes necessary to distance yourself from anyone related to the abuser.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Eve1]

Thank you Lisa,

I did meet up with them. I prepared myself beforehand, and told myself to hold on to myself. But still it’s not something I want to repeat and I’ve decided I’m not going to do it again, and I feel ok with it. I was with my ex for a long time and was very enmeshed with his family. Meeting them I was in their home and it was very strange, like having an outer body experience and looking at myself and how I felt and reacted all those years ago and how I took everything and all of them at face value. I feel very different to that now. I didn’t wish I hadn’t gone but really i it’s such a waste of my time.

xx

[Author]

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