Can these men every really be happy?

[BakingQueen]

I’ve been out of my abuse relationship for a while now and he seems to be so happy in his new relationship.

Now I know I shouldn’t care but I don’t understand how someone can be happy when they are in tens of thousands of debt, no means of working and has excluded himself from his family and most of his friends.

His new gf is under the impression they have an amazing future together but surely when you have that much debt and don’t work how amazing can this future really be?? Especially when he is continuing to ignore thay mounting debt and burys his head in the sand. He doesn’t even want to see his our kid and he doesn’t pay child support. Why would you even want a man like ??that??

Is it just me or are they flipping deluded???

[Bubblegum]

Hello .My Ex husband who has been with his currant partner last couple years had a baby .They to making out everything was great etc etc it was so hard at the time .Last few months there still together but things have gone a lot quieter .I was like you can’t she see what he’s like etc .She was aware on meeting him he was a bit head case but apparently she was the same .Like I did she probably thinks this time will be different he will treat me better .I felt like that and believe me I tried everything to save our marriage but nothing worked .I did hear the grapevine he has not changed .She probably by now has had our bursts behaviour but she’s probably so sucked in she can’t see it .She will see but it might take some time untill she does xx

[KIP.]

They are deluded. They throw themselves into the honeymoon period. Trapping the next victim. Making her feel like she has won first prize when in fact she’s won the booby prize. I know because I was the new woman before I became his next victim. They wear a mask but as you and I know that mask eventually slips. In his mind he’s done nothing wrong. The debt wasn’t his fault, the estrangement from family wasn’t his fault and he will bask in his new found victim status. Living in denial. They justify their behaviour and live in a very narrow world that doesn’t include accepting blame. I don’t think they know what happiness is. The closes they come is when they have control over someone, and they suck the life from them, thriving on the sense of power and dysfunctional behaviour. Don’t waste your time trying to work them out. They simply don’t think and act in any humane rational compassionate way. It’s all about number 1.

[BakingQueen]

Thanks Ladies.

KIP, sorry you had to be the next victim. They just hide it so well. You believe that everyone else is the problem. Like you rightly described I’m sure he is telling her I’m the bad one for not letting him see his kid and that he’s chosen her over his family so she feels indebted to him.

We’re all more educated now and if another man like that came along I’d run a mile. But I guess this is her lesson to learn.

People that don’t understand think men like that can change however I highly doubt it. I think he will get his new gf pregnant just to trap her even more.

I feel I so dumb not to see what he was and she’s falling for it the same way. But that isn’t my problem. You live and you learn.

Thanks for replying ladies xx

[Bubblegum]

Yes it’s a lesson I’ve defiantly learnt .Its been very hard I’m lot better these days but I wouldn’t say I’m 100 per cent not sure I’ll ever will be .My Ex husband got his partner pregnant very soon after meeting each other .She already had children think she would be wiser sadly not .I have kids with my Ex I know fact he has blackened my name to her .He does not see our kids due to his behaviour and again I have him many many chances over years .I think my oldest has been effected more by his Dad .My choice was to remove them from his unstable behaviour .It was so hard time and still hard times but I’ve never regrested my decision .Like with us we had to learn the hard way .Now it’s the turn of the new women to learn the hard way Well .I wanted to shake my Ex husband partner say to her wake up what are you doing but of course I never did that .Keep out of it your so much better off you need to believe that .x*x

[BakingQueen]

Hey bubblegum.

You are so right. I know I’m so much better off not being with him. Every time he continues to act this way it proves to me each day how good the choice was to walk away. I reckon it would be a lot harder to get over it if he was being nice to me. But that hasn’t happened.

He loves to play victim and act like he is so sad but I reckon he is incapable of any emotions at all.

At the moment I’ve stopped visitation and if he asks for some time I’ll tell him it’s supervised or not at all. I’m sure that will go down well but I don’t care. What you’ve said has given me the power to make that choice. I was always so sure that later on my ex would manipulate our son and say “but i wanted to see you and your mum didn’t let me” but what’s best for him is to have nothing to do with his dad. I’m glad that has worked for you.

X

[Anonymous]

KIP is right. My partner was wonderful right up until his feet were under the table and h ed persuaded me to sell my houses and move away from my friends and family. He’s been aggressive and abusive pretty much from the day we first moved in here.

[Author]

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