Can they really change

[LittleRedRidingHood]

I told my husband I wanted a divorce (detail removed by moderator) after he hit me a week or so ago. He asked me why I was avoiding him, so I told him he does nothing around the house, wants everything done for him, is verbally abusive (has called me a unless piece of s**t on more than one occasion). First he denied his behaviour saying that work has got to him. He has now said he is willing to do anything to save our marriage and is being super nice. I am now feeling guilty as I know he is trying, but can an abuser truly change? I’m not sure I buy it, can best behaviour last, if so will it be weeks or months before the mask slips?

[Hetty]

No I don’t believe they change. He’s making excuses for his behaviour. For me that is a red flag and not taking any responsibility or actively seeking professional support. Plenty people have work stress etc but they don’t go home and abuse their partners. This is he cycle of abuse. Super nice but sooner or later the mask slips and we are right back in the c**p times.
Keep a log if you’re not doing so. You’ll see patterns emerging. I’ve had mr nice guy the past few days but I can start to feel the tension building already. The cycle for me is usually a couple of weeks.
Please be careful as if he knows how you’re feeling. He might escalate. Have a quick exit plan if you haven’t already. Get important stuff out of the house somewhere safe if you can. Have a back up plan. If he hurts you again call the police.

[KIP.]

Google the cycle of abuse. Contact your local women’s aid. Abuse always escalates. Keep a secret journal and write down all the incidents you can remember. Hitting you is illegal. I would photograph any injuries. Note the date and time it happened and any witnesses. It’s going to get so much worse for you. You need a safe exit plan and don’t let him know your leaving.or even thinking of leaving. Talk to your GP. Get help. Talk to family and friends. Ring 999 the next time you feel threatened. There’s lots of help,out there for you. He won’t change, he will pretend he has or make promises he won’t keep. That’s why a journal is good for your own sanity x

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