Can things get better?

[Hop1]

I’ve finally admitted to myself that I am in an abusive relationship. My husband is controlling, he threatens me with violence and is physically aggressive (shoving, slapping throwing objects). The violence and threats don’t happen too often, but the controlling behaviour is daily.
I’ve decided I need to leave, but it breaks my heart because we have a young baby. It’s been a very stressful time that has been made worse by the passing of my husband’s close family member. He has not been coping well and I worry he may have a breakdown. I love him and don’t want to see him hurt. I’ve asked him to self refer for therapy and for us to have couples counselling. He doesn’t want to. I don’t want to leave, but what choice do I have. I’m hoping it will help him to see that he needs help. My question is, if he gets some help, can things get better? I love him and I don’t want to do this, but I can’t cope anymore.
Thank you for any input.

[Anonymous]

Hi. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Rings true in my relationship too. My children are grown up now ( as much as my children can ever seem grown up in my eyes!)
I have damaged my children by staying in my relationship for decades, I thought I was doing the best for the family by keeping us all together but I couldn’t protect them from the abuse and I didn’t protect myself either.
It’s so hard. i think that maybe I am on the edge of leaving my relationship but there are many emotions embedded in my heart. Guilt, grief, sadness , but it’s the over riding fear that is driving me to attempt to move forward.
Your husband will probably react in this way …..to anything stressful in his life. I could list 100 example’s of my husbands stress, which up until this point I forgave him for. Be strong for yourself and your baby. You deserve to live a happy life without fear x*x

[StrongLife]

Hi there,

From my experience they tend to get worse with the violence.They escalate and do extraordinary things to control rather than de -escalate.

On leaving, living in separate safer house and having a safety plan puts more safety for you. This is the better plan in long run as they do not change- they get worse, but the situation changes with living arrangements

[Author]

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