Can’t believe I’m with a n********t!wasted life

[Mellow]

I’m still in shock denial that I’m actually in a relationship with a n********t I didn’t realise this until he traveled away and his behaviour dramatically changed in my eyes he was disrespectful to me and voiced that he didn’t care and can do what he wants constantly ignored me when he went away .then spoke to me when he came back after (detail removed by Moderator) week non communication.mainly asking for money .I didn’t know he was a n********t till the behaviour got serious then I realised that I’ve been living with this hell for years firstly the relationship I was not allowed to wear my hair certain way then was not allowed to wear certain shoes he inflicted the hair style thing on my son until now.I weren’t allowed any friends unless they look a certain way young and beautiful.he has always spoke about himself and his great he is when he never used to pay his rent .he always goes abroad buys fancy clothes and looks a crumpled up mess here.says he’s a chief in his country.spends all his money their .and nothing on me and kids but if I question it the kids eat his food and he pays bills. I’ve only just pulled him up on the rent.he says if I spend it silly he will stop paying.he is talking about building houses but not building experiences with the family .does not want me to work and build my own life.even spoke about leaving dosent care about me one bit .I didn’t even notice till now how he is to the point I feel like he hates me.I’ve been reading up on everything and everything I read points to leaving him because his behaviour is that bad.funny thing is he acts nice to other people but not me will do anything for others but not me .continuously says I’ve got lots of money whilst on benefits

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Mellow

yes, he’s abused you, he is an abuser, and its a horrible realisation of who they really are and what they are about. He wants power and control over you. What do you want to/can you do next?

I think if you have got to that point of seeing that he really doesn’t care for you, like he hates you, and the fact that he can be a completely different person to others show how in control of everything he is.

What will you do now the scales have fallen from your eyes and you can see through his abuse?

warmest wishes

ts

[Confusedyetclear]

I can relate to your post mellow 🙁 I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It’s almost like he has multiple lives ?
The one thing I’d like to say is that if you are thinking anything like me when I tried to convince myself it was “just his culture” then I try to gently remind myself that it doesn’t make it not abuse
I struggled and still do with the idea that if it is just his culture then maybe it isnt abuse.actually what is the truth is that culture is no excuse to treat others poorly. Xx

[Hereforhelp]

Hey Mellow, yes he is a classic abuser and he will continue.

Your eyes are open now, you can’t unsee once you see the abuse.

Do you have a plan or support worker from WA? Xx

[weather]

Certain parts of your story resonate with me. For over a decade I lived with a n********t and he used me financially. Even though this was just before coercive economic abuse was recognised as an offence in the UK and I’m not even sure if survivors are able to prove their case if an abuser is covering his tracks overseas. But, in my case, it didn’t really matter how much evidence I had, as my ex-husband believed he was above the law and was supported all the way by a failing judicial system that places abusers before the lives of women. I can’t even begin to imagine how much worse my circumstances would’ve been if I had children to consider. Due to what happened to me; I find it hard to spend my money, enjoy my freedom and suffer from really bad PTSD. I can’t just erase the bad memories and the scars seem to get deeper with time. I truly hope that you’re able to regain your strength and change your circumstances. As for a ‘wasted life’, it’s he that has wasted his life and you’ll get the opportunity to thrive; unlike the n*********s, who just aren’t sincere enough to value anything that is genuinely precious.

Take good care of yourself and keep posting,
Weather

Weather.

[Twisted Sister]

hi weather

You are picking up very old posts, and actually the response to this one is useful when it comes to calling abusers, n*********s.

warmest wishes

ts

[Mellow]

Hi I’m still on the forum and replies are comforting so Thankyou for your response

[Author]

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