Can’t cope – housing and domineering mam

[Anonymous]

My parents bought a house to rent to me, but the Universal credit kicked in and I lost my job and because they’re my parents I don’t get any housing allowance. The guilt has been all-consuming, especially when my mam reminds me frequently of how much money they’re loosing and calls me a “free-loader”. She has care of my son because of a DA relationship I had so she won’t let me get a job as she wants me around her house all the time to care for me, but simultaneously tells me she can’t stand me being in her house – but I can’t leave because I have to be there for him. I’ve recently started looking at going to university full-time, that way I’d get an education to better mine and my sons future and get some financial support to help pay rent – my m**s not happy with this and has accused me of doing this at my sons detriment as I won’t be there for him. I’ve previously touched on the idea of me moving elsewhere and I’ve been called “selfish” and “inconsiderate” because this house was made for me and my children so how dare I leave? Basically I’m guilted into staying but then bullied because of finances. I’m miserable and I feel she’s not supporting me with things I want to achieve; I want a degree, a job etc and she won’t let me do these things and brings my son into it. If I point out that I don’t feel supported she literally laughs at me because she has my son so of course she’s supporting me, right? This is having a terrible impact on my mental health and I can’t keep living like this. When I visit and then let her know I’m leaving she always decides to have a go at me over something I’ve failed at just before I plan on leaving the house, so I leave feeling so miserable and empty and I hate that she does it in front of my son and doesn’t listen to me when I ask her to please stop. I want to run away because of her, but she has my baby.

[Anonymous]

Hi,
Sorry to hear what’s going on. I am a single parent and currently enrolled in a full time course at university. If you ring student finance England you will be able to find out what loans and grants will be available to you. It may be worth checking the course you wish to do supplies a bursary. I currently recieve a maintenance loan which covers my bills and food/ clothes etc. My rwnt is partly paid by housing benefit. I also receive a child care grant which pays for my childs nursery place. And a parental learning geant which is a top up. The course I am studying also has a NHS bursary. I feel as if I am slightly better off than full time benefits however its all about budgeting as you only receive money quarterly. It may be in your best interest to have a look at your options. When your mam reminds you constantly what shes doing for you, it must impact your life significantly. If you go to university you will recieve money purely for your children’s child care. When my son starts school, i will recieve money for a child minder as some days I am in after school finishes. I hope you take the plunge into uni. It is difficult but well worth it.

All the best.

Movingonandon

[Author]

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