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I am at such a low now. He doesn’t trust me at all and thinks I am upto something. I really am not! I go out of my way to make him feel safe and am completly honest with hom whem he asks me questions about if I saw any men at my work . He threatens me with volience all the time and says i am lucky to be alive.
When we forst met I did stupidly speak to another guy but never ever did anything it was just private messages on facebook. I know that was wrong and would never do that again. It was like the forst couple of months and i have never done anything like that since.
There is no escape. He has told me if i don’t do what he wants or if we split up he will cause utter chaos and sabotage.
I am terrified of him, i don’t dare defend myself anymore cause that makes him so so angry he will go for me, so I just sit and get spoken to or told off like a little girl. I have to agree to what he says.
I can’t go on. I have no where to go, we have a child together.
I am too scared to go to the police even though i have all the texts that he has sent me telling me he will hurt me or worse. He has told me if i ever go to the police he will again cause utter chaos and have me lose my job
He did that to an ex who had the guts to kick him out and she nearly lost her job due to the lies he told her bosses.
I really don’t know what do to anymore. I have no way out.
I am so scared that he might actually do something bad to me
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Hi smallbutbrave, I read your post with such a heavy heart for you… I want to say please can you get hold of your local Women’s Aid as they can support you? I remained with my abusive husband for far too long, I was also terrified as my husband threatened all sorts and I was frozen with terror… we have 2 children, teens now…
Your husband has made sure that you are afraid of him, he has worked on you to make sure. The texts and evidence you have do keep hold of it, have you kept a journal as that can be really helpful..
He is breaking the law everytime he threatens you with violence, ypur child will also grow up within an abusive environment (no matter how much we think we protect them children do pick up and become victims themselves, this is not me judging or blaming you at all smallbutbrave, my children who I thought I had kept most of the abuse away from them were both affected In so many different ways).
My husband threatened choas in all areas of my life, he then went into victim mode and has flitted between victim (for other peoples benefit) and pure resentment towards me.
If you do decide to talk to the police (I understand how overwhelming even the thought might be now) ask for DA experienced officers, if you are more comfortable with a female officer as for that too.
I am so sorry you feel as you do, it isn’t your fault and you are not alone.
Sending warm hugs
HfH ❤️ -
Thank you
I didn’t know I could speak to a female da officer. That is hood to know. How do I get in touch with them, will they come and arrest him, will he know I have made contact with them? The thought of doing that is scary but I am at my wits end.
(detail removed by moderator) He moans at me because there are some things he asks me to do in the bedroom that I don’t feel comftable woth and just won’t do. He says after everything I havr done to him I should be doing everything in my power to keep him happy and make him feel wanted.
He blames me for all the stuff that has gone wrong in his life since meeting me (detail removed by moderator) It ALL my fault, everything. So many times I told him to slow down. He told me he loved me on the second date….Should have known that was a red flag back then!
I am done trying my hardest to make him feel that i would never chest on him, he said if a man walks into my staffroom when i have lunch i have to leave the room and do you know the sad thing…I do, because I am terrified that some how he will find out I didn’t leave the room. Like i am so paranoid.
After all these years of this utter s**t I have no sex drive at all..None. He has a massive sex drive and tells me (detail removed by moderator) Do you know how depressing it is having to do something like that all the time and pretend to enjoy it just to live a fairly quiet life only for him to kick up a fuss about how boring it is when he is in a mood with me.
so sorry to rant but onhave mo one else to talk to about any of this
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Here for help..Can I ask. You said your ex threatened all sorts when you broke up, did anything bad happen to you when u did split?
sorry of that is too personal a question and i understand if you don’t want to answer or feel comftable
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I’m so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. My husband was also paranoid about what I was doing and tried to control me with threats and psychological abuse. It took me months to break free, and didn’t manage it on the first attempt, as he persuaded me to go back. So I saw a counsellor and realised I hadn’t done anything wrong by just living my life. She helped me ‘parallel plan’, I saved up, found somewhere to rent, started storing things at friends and at work and finally managed to move out, I admitted to people what was happening to me and asked for help and everyone believed me and helped so much. It takes time. But within 24 hours I felt such relief and knew I’d done the right thing. I then accessed behind closed doors to help me stay away. It’s hard but you can do it, you are strong enough to survive abuse, so you are strong enough to break free. Believe in yourself, but don’t be hard on yourself for doing what you need to do to manage your situation, or if you don’t succeed first time.
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It’s really tricky for me to havr anytime to make calls to the right services, he is always at home (doesn’t work) and I am at work allday.
I have money saved up (I call it my running away fund) but the thought of actually leaving feels me such fear I just know I will never have the guts to do it. Maybe I could if I had family near by but they all live abroad.
(detail removed by moderator) I don’t show him any affection he says and there is no love or emotion…How the hell can I show him love after all the s**t he has put me through. The intimidation, threats, verbal abuse, put downs, physical abuse. Where was his love and emotion then. Of course I wouldn’t dare to say that because he would flip. He says I play the victim.
He really thinks he is so hard done by and I am the big bad wolf. He won’t accept any of his behaviour and how that has affected me towards him.
Again it all comes down to sex, he came in earlier and said ‘(detail removed by moderator)’ and just groped me and stuck his tongue down my throat. He wants me to be allover him in bed tonight. Does he really not see how off putting it is?
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Hi! Reading this post made me feel like I’m reading about myself! An EXACT same situation, threats, all sorts of abuse, situation with sex, EVERYTHING is exact same.
If you want to chat please pm me. After what happened today I am at my wits end too. And do feel ready to just leave this whole s****y life behind me. I am scared too. But looking at my son it gives me motivation to do something as the last thing I want him to grow up like his father being toxic, abusive and traumatized.
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blueberry field…It’s just s**t isn’t it. Last night was awful when I went to bed. He makes my skin crawl with his demands and what I should be doing in bed. He gets so angry if i slightly give my side.
(detail removed by moderator)
There is a new guy at my work and that is who he is referring to I guess as he is so jealous about that. I have bever even spoke to this new guy!!!!!????? His paranoia is crazy. God he has put me off men for life. I just want to be single!!! Forever!
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I am going to the Police today and I am scared beyond words. If you read all my post you will read what torture I’ve been through and even though I left him a few months ago the abuse still keeps coming and he ramped it up a to another level last night.
Sending a big hug from an equally scared victim xx -
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Well tonight he got angry with me again and came shouting at me and being really aggressive saying how he should 9detail removed by moderator)…Pointing right in my face. All in front of our son, who whispered in my ear after my partner finally left the room ‘next time that happens he should leave’
I feel so so sad my wonderful son had to see that. He knows and remembers alot more than I thought and I feel like the worst mother for not protecting him
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