Can't get rid of this feeling

[SilkyHalide]

Cheated and useless. Im like a stranger to my children. I’m trying to be positive but my heart is breaking all over again. I don’t deserve this.
People (who don’t know I don’t see much of them) ask me what they are upto this weekend and it shook me.
I think I’m coping but then I’m clearly not. I want to tell everyone what he’s done to me but that will make me seem crazy.
I hear myself sometimes and I think how pathetic I must sound.

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Silky, sorry you are feeling do down at the moment. I have found in the past it pays to choose your audience who you tell things too. I used to tell everything to all and sundry, it was a mistake and got me into trouble sometimes. I think a lot of people who have never experienced abuse just don’t get it. Maybe it is best to completely pour your heart out on here but not tell other people unless you are sure you can comfortably confide. X*X

[SilkyHalide]

Thanks HA
That’s exactly it people wouldn’t understand I don’t think I would have but I would have tried.
Also it could be passed on so I say as little as possible.
I feel ashamed to say I don’t know what they are doing.
But I know it’s not for want of trying to be a mum.
I wish he would drop dead, I haven’t thought that for a while but I used to feel awful that I hoped that like it was easier than trying to leave him. How selfish is that. But I feared he would punish me and he certainly has.

[Author]

Posts