Can't help thinking I was the abuser

[Good samaritan]

After years of been abused in every aspect. I’m now left believing I was the abuser and I can’t shake it. After the harassment warning been given to me I found myself knocking on his door (detail removed by Moderator) and when I got no answer I messaged him begging him to press charges against me because I’m going insane and don’t know where to turn for help. I’ve heard nothing back I don’t even know if he read it because it was via email..

I was doing really well until one of the people from the group he added me to to put on a public display of affection with his new girlfriend started clicking like on my Facebook posts.

I’m now in a very dark place and daren’t burden anyone anymore with resources been stretched.

[KIP.]

please delete and block every single method of contact with him. You are not the abuser here. Zero contact is the only way forward. No matter how you feel, contact will only bring you more harm. They love to make a huge public show of their new ‘relationship’, making sure we are kept in the loop to torment us. Google triangulation. I think you should ring Rights for Women or try the helpline for advice. Breaching a harassment order can cause you more problems. Please keep trying the helpline. Nothing good comes from contacting these men. They thrive in the drama of it all.

[Good samaritan]

I’ve now blocked all contact and deleted numbers. My biggest problem is having a photographic memory because he made me do all his communications for him and ordering all of his (detail removed by Moderator) so the mail both electronic and paper gets delivered here. I’ve changed the address with as many as I can but they are still arriving. Even his pensions from jobs he’s had. I try to ring rights for women every day but cannot get through. I’ve logged out of my Facebook but it was my main platform for the volunteer work I do with (detail removed by Moderator) so I have had to withdraw my services their too. It’s becoming unbearable. It’s so hard to describe why I even went their it was as though I needed to do it to face my fear and try and get permanent closure because I’ve been left on edge. I didn’t even like him as a person but he was the one who would reassure me I wasn’t going mad. Now that’s gone too and I literally feel as though I’ve gone insane.

[KIP.]

We look for some sort of closure but we will never get it from these men. Just keep sending mail back ‘not at this address’. Dump his belongings at a friend or family member. Give him zero opportunity to contact you. You can create a fake Facebook page meantime under another name without a picture for your volunteering. Anytime you feel like contacting him, come on here for support x

[Good samaritan]

It honestly feels like I’ve been suckered punched to the chest. I had no feelings for him at all when I ended the relationship because he made me feel dead inside. I didn’t have any urge to contact him or anything for several weeks after I told him I didn’t want him to come back. How on earth could a lie about me ringing his new girlfriend who I didn’t even know existed or have her number be allowed to cause so much damage. Surely it’s a waste of police resources when they have said themselves he’s a compulsive liar. Now I’m tarnished forever because of yet another one of his lies. There really is no justice in this country anymore. I wanted to confess to the crimes I have committed under his influence and I’m not even allowed to do that to free my conscience. It’s like a nightmare there’s no waking up from.

[Author]

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