Can't keep my head above water.

[Bleedingheart]

I’m really really struggling at the moment. I was happily married before all this,for just over (detail removed by Moderator) years,to the love of my life,he left me with no explanation really and I was so vulnerable I walked straight into the arms of my abuser. I haven’t seen the person I was in the mirror for so so long now I don’t think she’s ever coming back. I’m so incredibly sad and lonely. I just can’t do this anymore.

[Fudgecake]

Dear Bleedingheart,
Please don’t give up. I’m sending you some big hugs and positive thoughts. I’ll also think of you in my prayers. That person you once were is still there only she carries with her battle scars now. You’re stronger than you think. Do you have any family you can ask for support from? Have you contacted WA? If you’re still with your abuser, can you start to plan an exit route for when you’re ready? Take small steps to take back control. Even the smallest thing will boost your belief that you can get through this. Get advice from WA about your situation and what you can do.
Yes you feel vulnerable at the moment but that’s where WA,family and friends can offer advice and support. Keep posting here, it is a great comfort to hear from others in the same position as we are.
Remember this too will pass and you will be more knowledgeable and aware about the red flags you experience from people you deal with.
I’m thinking of you x

[Bleedingheart]

Thank you so much. I’m no longer with him,it’s been over (detail removed by Moderator) since I last saw him. It’s just never going to leave me,at least that’s how I feel at the moment. I can’t sleep and I’m feeling that he’s climing into bed and I can’t wake up to scream it’s like I’m paralysed. I’m seeing a councillor for the first time on (detail removed by Moderator). I’ve got a sister who knows everything and two really close friends who know but I’ve still never felt so alone,it’s like I’m totally adrift from everything. Thank you for praying for me. X*x

[KIP.]

Hi, the person you were before his abuse is still there. What you’re feeling is normal after abuse. Hopefully good counselling will help you get through this stage. We need to take apart our emotions and put them back together. I’ve been where you are. I was with my abuser for decades so you can and will get through this stage. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment. There is a good life waiting for you, once that rollercoaster ride to recovery is over you will be much wiser. Just keep going and keep reaching out for help. Contact women’s aid and see if you could do the freedom programme.

[Bleedingheart]

Thank you kip,I’ve made an appointment with my GP when I finish work today,just for advice really or something to help me sleep. I’ll look into the freedom programme, I’ve not heard of that before. Thanks for the advice x*x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Bleedingheart, I’m sorry you’re struggling just now, I thought when those feelings hit me I’d never see the other side. I’m still with my oh, I really don’t know what my aha moment will be. But I do know those awful feelings of despondency do get less. I never thought I’d be writing this to someone else when I joined the forum but it’s been with the patience and lovely words from the ladies on here, they’ve all helped open my eyes. I know it can only get better when I leave, until them I keep reading others posts and reading books. We’ll get there in our own time. The biggest obstacle is ourselves, once we come to terms with things, once we think, f..k him, that’s when the healing can truly begin. .once we no longer think of him, or he creeps into our thoughts. I pray nightly to keep everyone safe from their abusers, some individuals I name specifically. Collectively we can do this, if society realised just how widespread abuse is, if our neighbours who are being abused just knew they’re not alone. It’s the loneliest road to walk, but once we open up, light shines in.
Best wishes IWMB 💕💕

[Bleedingheart]

Thank you IWMB for your lovely words. It’s true,it is a very lonely road,even though I’ve started to speak out I still have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. This is something I have to come to terms with myself though,for the sake of my sanity, I have to try and move on. It’s just so hard when it’s 4 in the morning and I’m locked in a nightmare that I’m aware is a dream but I can’t wake myself up from,it’s the strangest feeling,it’s like I’ve been drugged and the only thing alive is my mind,my arms and legs won’t move and I can’t scream. I’ve seen my GP today,he was absolutely lovely, he’s prescribed me an antidepressant that has good results from treating PTSD so I’ll give them a go. In the meantime I’ve got counciling on (detail removed by Moderator),and my old faithful yoga! Thanks for the support and the prayer,you’ll never know how much it means. 💞

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