1st December 2015 at 12:33 am #5853
Has anyone else had their ex stalk them? My ex husband did it to me years ago and I was foolish enough to get in over my head with another abuser years later. The new one is using the old ones tactics. I feel like i’m going crazy. Everyone is saying I abused him, which I swear I didn’t. I’ve lost everyone because no one is sure anymore. Yes I hit him, he was preventing me leaving the room, barring my path so I hit his chest. After he left I sent so much stuff written after abusive calls and now all that remains are my words.He has this way of getting right under my skin and evoking fear. Then he tells everyone i’m irrational. Hes directing everything, controlling whats happening, setting me up continuely. He seems to know everything I say or do. He copies our outings, lies and creates havoc then leaves me looking like the cause. Noone believes me, no one cares, just like he said and now my mental health is in question with ss. Who I involved because hes telling my child to say things and I cant prove it. Has anyone else had this experience where everyone is convinced you are lying to cover your abusive tracks? I’m not healed from what he did to me. he is still stopping me moving on or rebuilding my life and everywhere I turn hes been there first with tales of harassment and abuse. He spent three hours chatting to the police when I sent them to check on my child because he caused me major anxiety she wasn’t safe, they then called me back and told me its been logged as a domestic against me? How do you make people see its him? No evidence I supply seems to be right. Nothing I say comes out right. his family are fighting for him, saying there is no evidence. its even got to the stage where I am leaving support groups because new members are posting my story. Its him or his group. how do I escape without cutting myself off from my life? Sorry, I know I’m new, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m losing my sanity
1st December 2015 at 12:42 pm #5859LisaMain Moderator
Hello there, what a horrible situation you are describing your ex partner is continuing to make things so difficult for you. It is so unfair that he is trying to make other people believe that you were there the one who was abusive, however you know the truth and what he has put you through.
Involving social services was the right thing to do, particularly as your ex- partner is saying inappropriate things to you child. I am sorry to hear about your experience with the police.
Do you have any other support in place to help you with this? If not you could get some support from your local domestic violence service, you can find their details here
You can call the helpline at anytime if you needs to talk things through.
I am sure that the other users will be along to offer some support soon.
2nd December 2015 at 8:15 pm #5900SilkyHalideParticipant
I’m worried I sent him texts on (date removed by moderator) that make me look like the abusive one as he is saying his friends think. I’ve been very careful to date but he made me so angry asking me if I would go see the doctor with him. I knew he’d suddenly decided I was resisting his demands because I was mentally ill and wants to prove I’m not safe to have the girls. I started ranting, fell right in, hook line and sinker. I think he believes it.
I’m also worrying for the first time this could escalate. He’s not getting his own way I’m standing up to him so how far will he push when I keep pushing back. But maybe I’m just paranoid.
2nd December 2015 at 8:21 pm #5901SilkyHalideParticipant
I have no evidence either as I realised when I looked at divorce grounds.
and which is why I’m careful what I write to him….usually.
2nd December 2015 at 8:42 pm #5902HerindoorsParticipant
Hi. To a much lesser degree mine has accused me as well. I once did the same as you when he was blocking my exit through a door. I was hitting his chest and he ended up with bruises, he didn’t move though. Another time I lashed out when he woke me up and bruised his face. I did do both these things! But but but…I hate saying that because that’s what they say….it was after decades of abuse and after hours of provocation. Is it OK for me to say that – because that’s what they, abusers, say 🙁 He has also told people that I abused him emotionally and financially which is 100% untrue.
The only way for me has been no contact. There is no other way. The people that believe him will always believe him and those that believe me always will. Its very unfair but its a fact.
If you can go no contact he won’t be able to wind you up anymore and you will stop being provoked into trying to defend yourself either verbally or physically.
Also can you see a DV worker so you can get your side of the story out and they can help explain to other people what actually went on? its so hard to us to try and explain because of the emotion and fear that we feel – but an outsider could be your spokesperson.
Good luck and no contact !! xx
19th December 2015 at 6:01 pm #6358
Sorry its took me so long to reply. Ive been hiding I guess. Social services have decided its me, I’m in need of mental health treatment. They have forced me to go to my gp and tell him and now I have a psychological assessment. The fact he is now coming to the house weekly is of no relevance. The fact hes interfereing heavily with the assessment is fine. The fact social services have forced me to admit I need help is ok. Apparently it looks good for me that I self refer. In other words we are making you tell people youre mentally ill. I still have a recording of them trying to force this on me when I left him and moved. Police don’t help, apparently they see it as me too. My doctor wrote twice and said I was fine, so now I’m forced into self referral. Does anyone ever consider you will be fine if they remove the controlling abuser they are helping to set you up. He said hed take my daughter, /that hed have me mentally assessed. The first part has now happened. I feel so down and its my low mood that’s the issue apparently. They are giving my abuser power and then tell me I’m depressed. Ive gone no contact so he rang me!!! this is also ok. I try to report it to social services no one will take my call, the social worker has gone now. I have no idea whatshappening but hes quoting things ive said and fixing anything I said was wrong. This is the problem. they decided I am mentallyill not an abuse victim and they are making me follow it. The council seem to think they overrulemy doctorand that when your abuser/rapist is on your doorstep its wrong to be afraid and upset. They have systematically interfered with everything, even in court they were quoted and domestic abuse was ignored. How is this ok?
19th December 2015 at 6:28 pm #6365LisaMain Moderator
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I just wanted to show you some support. Please do phone the Helpline as soon as you can find a safe time to do so. They can help you get in touch with your local women’s aid group and can give you some advice and support over the phone.
Sadly anyone with any understanding at all about domestic abuse will know how cunning and manipulative abusive men can be and a Women’s Aid worker can help you with advocacy and help to explain the abusive situation you are in to any relevant authorities. We know that a tactic that abusive men use is to try to make you feel like you have mental health issues and to try and get everyone else to believe that too. Your local Women’s Aid group will be familiar with that and they will offer you guidance and help so please get in touch with them as soon as you can.
You are not alone, we are all here for you and understand your situation so please keep posting to let us know how you are.
19th December 2015 at 9:28 pm #6376
Silky you aren’t paranoid, none of us are. Whatever you think about him will be right. They push buttons for the exact response they want. For some reason anger translates to them as winning and feelings for them. I hope you are ok. An thank you Lisa. I have spoken to womens aid but my local one is a long way to get to so I’m going after the break. I’ve asked social services for help twice now and the help I’ve had has been really bad and really accusing, I feel like they are as bad as he is now
19th December 2015 at 9:31 pm #6377
Hi herindoors. Thanks for the reply. In my view he’s intimidating me into shutting up and being incoherent because he can. He knows what he did to me so he knows how bad it is, he also took great interest in my only other abusive relationship. He wanted to know every detail and now he’s using that to. I can’t believe this snake managed to convince me so I should t be surprised everyone else is falling for it, it’s time I stood up for myself
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.