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So my partner messaged a family friend a few months ago. I’ve spoke about this before but he (Detail removed by Moderator). Now a matter means that he will be going round to their house more than often. (Detail removed by Moderator)
I know this isn’t bad at all compared to my last relationship but I just can’t function.
(Detail removed by Moderator)
I know I have to just try and forget it happened. But I think it’s because he’s denying any feelings for her when there must be something there or he wouldn’t say it?
(Detail removed by Moderator). Hr Denys any memory of that too. He said he was on coke and that must have been why. I don’t see how drugs can invent feelings. -
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I think I just need advice about how to handle him going to their house where she is. I can’t think about anything else. I can’t bring it up as it’s just going over old ground. He will just say if I can’t cope with it then we will have to split or he will say that he won’t go but he will blame me to his friends so I look bad. I hate this so much.
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Hmmmm not sure liking where this one going ? Why does he have to go ? Can they not come to you ? How convenient as an excuse the drugs to escape responsibility. Wouldn’t be better if they came to you and really if your not comfortable shouldn’t he respect your wishes rather than threat a break up . My one always used alcohol as an excuse when I caught him with texts on phone , it looks to me as though he knows your not happy about going there and regardless of your feelings his still going , I’m not sensing much reassurance from him to your anxieties.
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The reason he says he has to go is (detail removed by Moderator) and he has to be their support. They have a lot of family so I don’t see why he has to be the support though.
Yes I feel like my feelings don’t count.
He reassures me by keep explaining that he doesn’t have any feelings for her but that’s hard to believe. -
Forgive me but why are you saying this isn’t bad at all compared to your last relationship ? It’s still not acceptable regardless sorry hun , his been caught texting this girl and now is saying to you going to go their more as there his best friends so you basically gtta put up with it his saying or his walking away ? Reverse it , would he like it ? Say it was you now doing all this ? I’m sure he would have lots to say on the subject and wouldn’t let you go . I think best solution would be to ask if they could come to yours to visit or to be honest as much as it hurts I would have to go with him , I would in fact act as though you don’t care really as sometimes they do these things to scare you so you think you are going to lose them , they do it deliberately to make you jealous . Was he hoping you would catch him texting this girl ?
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Sorry that’s b******t his making excuses to go there then , they got family ,(detail removed by Moderator) , no hun it’s an excuse, say to him I go then , I can be supportive just as you are .
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To be honest I did something I cheated on him right at the beginning of our relationship while I was in lockdown and we weren’t seeing much of each other. I believe I did that letting loose and going wild as I’d just broke out of a long term abusive relationship. I’m not condoning it at all I kbow I did wrong.
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Your trust issues have been broken and what does he expect , how are you going to believe that now , I understand that myself. As to feelings for her I wouldn’t like to say , but he does seem to be wanting to put himself in the frame of it if that girl will be there when he visits that raises alarm bells for me . His actions are not backing his lips !
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Your seeing it as revenge and carrying a lot of guilt over that I can sense , so you think his doing it to get even with you , that is possible they do like to cause suffering as they feel hard done by , (detail removed by Moderator)
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(detail removed by Moderator) Did he know this would happen you think to make you jealous?
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Ok let me know how you get on , hope you slew well take care xx
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I just caught your message sorry (detail removed by Moderator) seems like she out to cause trouble maybe ? I think go on (detail removed by Moderator) keep an eye out for everything, be extra vigilant, your sense what’s going on I reckon x
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Do you think heart of hearts he likes her ? Or was it flirty banter got out of line x
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I think for you it’s best to see the situation on (detail removed by Moderator) like you said , keep all your senses around you , end of the day his actions are making you feel very anxious and insecure in the relationship and that’s not how you should be feeling, you will end up losing confidence in yourself and question your own thoughts and feelings, you really don’t want to be ending up like that . If (detail removed by Moderator) or any other time alarm bells are raised I would seriously have an honest chat as to why he is behaving this way , if every other aspect in your relationship is ok and going good , your happy and it’s this episode that’s making you feel insecure as he has caused this then have the chat with him explaining how it’s making you feel x
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Actions that don’t back words Ariel are just lies and manipulations the fact that he did coke even once (if that was the case) I’ve known people who’ve taken drugs in the past and they were pathological liars, you couldn’t believe a word any of them said and the aggression they had while on them was something else, if he wants you to break up from your “so called” lack of trust just let him, abusers play so many mind games it’s like fact or fiction with them and after your past abuser you deserve a more settled life now not more confusion and toxicity oh yeah they like to play jealousy manipulation too 🐣🐥🐣
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I wouldn’t feel bad for cheating on an abuser. They are incapable of love so they don’t deserve any loyalty in my opinion. You obviously were not getting any of your emotional needs met, which is a common trait of these abusive relationships. Or non relationships…they are more like transactions to the abuser….use, abuse then discard basically, that’s their game.
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Just an update…. So we didn’t go round to the said house. But only because she didn’t need us there so at least I didn’t have to be around the girl.
He keeps saying about booking a holiday as he thinks that it will make me see that we can get through this. Nice idea but the only thing that will settle my mind is if I believe that he doesn’t have feelings for her. It’s haunting me x
I slept last night at last x Thankyou x
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