- This topic has 12 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 4 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hi, I posted yesterday and got some lovely replies and was enlightened re trauma bonding. I have some understanding now of where I’m at but I am really struggling today not to contact him, he text me last night and we ended up having awful text argument. Every day I always have to ring him in the morning and again in the evening. I am craving to contact him so much that I feel sick to my stomach. Fear that if I don’t I’ll leave it too long and this might actually be the end which of course I want but also don’t want, as the thought of my life without him is overwhelming but also fear that if I do it will just be another nightmare, my anxiety levels are through the roof with indecision and doubt. I just want some peace in my head and can’t get it. Any feedback would be much appreciated xx
-
It was the indecision that drove me mad with anxiety. Once I took back control after the initial few days of no contact which were awful, each day became easier after that. There is no easy quick way through this. You just have to take that leap of faith. Text him to leave you alone then block his number right away. Dump your phone number all together if you can. Delete any contact details making contact harder.
-
I posted earlier how they abuse us then act like our saviours by comforting us when it was their behaviour in the first place that caused our pain. Don’t be fooled by his words and cuddles of comfort. He is the evil one causing all this pain for you, just to hook you in by his perceived help and kindness. True monsters. There is nothing safe or comforting in that kind of person.
-
-
Yes I think the indecision is probably the worst bit, I think I’m resolute and then swing back the other way again, I haven’t contacted him today nor him me, not seen him for over a week, except through the chained door as I wouldn’t let him in. I guess we’ve been at a much milder form of this point so many times before that it’s hard to accept as real this time and my confidence goes. Reading stories on here definately helps as do your replies so thank you. I will hold on holding on xx
-
I can only share my experience but I can tell you Violence soon followed when I wouldn’t allow him back in my life. Don’t open the door to him. Even with a chain. A good kick and the chain can come off. I just didn’t understand the danger I was in. Allowing a psychopath in my life was normal behaviour for me. You have to accept there will be no closure. It’s like they walked out and were killed by a train. That’s the reality of ending an abusive relationship. But it will get easier. No contact means no mind games x
-
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me x I had an abusive marriage before this and was utterly terrified of him, very violent man but again more so with the worst kinds of mental abuse, I endured (detail removed by Moderator) years before seeing the effect on my children gave me the courage to get us out, best decision I have ever made and I’m sure this will be the same with time and hoping I can stay resolute. I read up on all your suggestions and that has helped me enormously to at least feel normal to some extent. A massive thank you and also for not making me feel quite so alone. Tried to explain to my family but they don’t gt it, just tell me to get on with it which makes me feel even more worthless. This is such a God send for me xx
-
-
-
-
You’re not gutless or weak. It takes guts and strength to live with these abusers. They are not easy men to live with, but even harder to leave.
Other people can’t understand because they haven’t lived your life. They have no idea what it’s like. We understand because we’ve lived through it too. They use the term survivor for a reason. We are not weak, you are not weak. They prey on us chipping away at our confidence, repeatedly telling us lies until we’re terrified to say anything, but we’ve survived everything they throw at us and we still fight back. You survived your first marriage and escaped, you can do it again. Stay strong. You know you’ve made the right decision, it’s his voice in your head putting the doubts there. Stay strong and keep posting -
Thank you, had the worst night ever, had such a panic I rang his number but immediately cut it off before it rang, it must have still registered on his phone a 10 mins later he called me. I said I hadn’t called him and then 10 mins of arguing and I kept hanging up. Then went on to have the worst nightmares and flashbacks re my ex husband, truly terrifying stuff for the couple of hours I did sleep. I stupidly had text my current partner after I hung up asking how he would feel about certain things and told him when he’s thought it through to let me know. Don’t know why I did it, he is unable to answer a straight question anyway, refuses to about anything, so I text early this morning and told him not to reply and have now switched m phone off in an attempt to regain my control on this. Feel so ill, in every possible way, can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
-
No contact hon, no contact whatsoever! It’s hard but if you can stick with it it’s so worh it!! I auto-forwarded his emails to a separate folder. I used to check 3 or 4 times a day, I now check once or rarely twice a week. Thinking I’ll not bother anymore as there’s been no new emails for months!
Not hearing their excuses, their rants, or even in my case, his “reasonableness” – has helped me in healing from his abuse.
Xx
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
