Can’t stop comparing myself..

[PinkButterflyyy05]

Hello everyone,

So I’ve been separated for (detail removed by moderator) my ex and I have a child together. We don’t have any communication, the court gave me full custody and a restraining order. Shortly after we separated he got into a new relationship fast forward to now they’re still together and I believe they’re married. We never got married. I see that she’s always posting selfies online. When I posted a selfie once, he got mad and it caused an argument so to avoid that I just wouldn’t do it. I can’t stop thinking that he’s probably treating her better and that I wasn’t good enough. I always compare myself to her and think maybe it’s because she’s pretty and I’m not. Maybe she has a better body or she’s a better person. Perhaps she’s a better cook. (detail removed by moderator) I’m not sure if that says something about her. Both of them don’t even bother seeing those kids. But I just can’t help to think she’s better than me and got everything that I wanted. A better home, a ring, the car I wanted, social media selfies. Help me!

[KIP.]

These men never change they follow the same pattern. She will eventually see the side of him that you saw. In the meantime he will be manipulating her the way he did you. If they’re married she was probably on the cusp of leaving and that was how he pulled her back. They won’t be happy together and social media is not the truth of a relationship. Abusers erode our confidence and self esteem and that’s what you’re feeling. It doesn’t matter how good she or you were at anything, the goal posts will be continually moving for her too. Absolutely zero contact and that includes looking on their social media is how you move on from this. You’re very lucky not to have this man in your life and your child is even more lucky. Concentrate on that relationship, maybe write down the horrible things he did in date order, it might make you look at things a bit differently. It’s not you, it’s the abuse and his conditioning of you that’s making you feel this way. In reality would you really want him back, married to him?

[Twisted Sister]

Hi PinkButterflyyy05

You have done so well to get to where you are now, after all that you’ve experienced, the abuses, and the affects thats had on you and your children. I am so glad you managed to get full custody of the children, and a restraining order. Thats not easy to get, and it just shows the world who he is. It should also show her who he is. She is his next victim, because he is who you saw, she is going through the exact same process. He will not change, he may have to employ some different tactics, but you’ve escaped, you got away and you got your safety from him. She doesn’t have this, and now that she’s married to him its probably purely because he doesn’t want another escaping and feels he’ll have more control by marrying her, especially where children are concerned.

His abuses to you and the children are not personal to you, you didn’t do anything wrong to be abused, its all about him, and always has to be for him. He can’t do this differently. He is who he is. Its extremely unlikely that he has changed, he can’t.

Try not to punish yourself with these thoughts and now that you are separated stay separated in every way, which includes the false fake outside views that come across on social media where everyone is their own star of their own set up, however they want to make it look to others. Its almost so predictable that this is what will be put out on SM so you can see ‘how happy’ he is now. Its only you that can prevent this false picture from reaching you, by blocking him online and cutting any last ties that still remain.

Prioritise you and your needs, and thoseof your children, and move forward without looking back, he is your past. You have come a huge way it sounds so positive.

warmest wishes

ts

[Mellow]

This is relatable to me my ex had an emotional affair and got married whilst we were together.i don’t know the other woman but she knows all about me.since I found of the affair I’ve noticed that he has given her much more than me and his kids we were never a priority.i always wonder what she has I don’t other than culture I don’t know.he used me and planned children with me whilst with her .i wish he’d have left me alone and been with her so I could have a better life but they are selfish beings.don’t look at her social media .he posted a video once of her and she’s not pretty so I wondered what he saw.o will tell you they don’t need to be great looking they just need to feed his ego.some of them may want money from him.i think in my case they want money from him.but know that they aren’t treated any better I don’t believe she’s treated perfectly only as a slave which she excepts they usually choose weak but your stronger now

[Author]

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