Can't stop crying…

[Pinklady]

I’ve been out now for nearly (detail removed by Moderator) and it hurts like hell, I’ve gone no contact from the beginning, but he bombarded me with calls, texts & emails.
This only stopped (detail removed by Moderator) days ago. I feel lost & so alone and can’t stop crying, why?
I know I’ve done the right thing but feel stuck, I just want him to hold me & tell me I’ll be ok…??
I don’t understand why I’m craving to be with him, I’m not sleeping or eating properly just spend my days & nights curled up crying.
I’m staying with friends & hiding how I’m really feeling from them, its not fair for them to have to deal with me in this state.
Just want it all to go away & keep thinking if I wasn’t here it wouldn’t hurt anymore just so fxxxxx up

[backtome]

Oh Hun, I wish I had some advice or words of wisdom for you. Can I suggest you call the Womens Aid helpline and find your local Women’s Aid for some suppprt. Also it’s worth trying to get some counselling if you or even contact you local mental healthy charity like Mind etc.

Well done for getting out and not going back.

I hope you feel better soon. x

[Borntobefree]

Hi pinkladt
You have done the biggest step you are free

It’s normal to feel this way

Get some councilling it takes time to heal
Small steps forward hun ..please dont gi back

My inbox in always open if you want to talk

X keep strong x

[KIP.]

An inspirational post i kept when I was in the early days of my journey, just like you. You will get through this. Its hell in the early days but it helps to understand that it will get easier once you get past this craving for what was your ‘normal’.

Breathe and be free from him his control and his abuse… I’m going to be me today and for the rest of my life. I know he is nothing without me and I am and I was everything without him. One day at a time and surely I will get there to the old me before I met this evil animal.

I think I had to do a lot of mourning after I left him. I loved him once but for the most part of the time in the relationship I didn’t love him, I stayed with him for other reasons those being mainly to survive.

Anyway the point I am making here is that after getting away, I would explain to other people and their attitude would be for me to “get over him”, not in a nasty manner from them, more like “you can forget about him now”. Their faces expressed being puzzled. I found myself a bit lost about what to say, although I knew exactly what I was feeling and thinking.

What I meant to say was, ” I don’t give a s**t about him I am mourning the damage he has caused me”.

I have spent a lot of time healing and mourning and it was worth it. Now I can explain to people more clearly what these Abusers are doing, and no I am not stressed out from parting from him I was stressed out from the stress he was causing.
Some people out there, please get your facts right.

We are mourning the loss of ourselves- not the loss of them.
We mourn the health, optimism, naivety, peace and confidence that they stole from us.
Those who haven’t been through it could never, ever understand. X*x

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Pinklady,

I was the exact same way, it is torture when you first leave so I can really relate and feel for you. It honestly truly does get better.

If you could set yourself one thing to do each day it helps. For example ‘have scrambled eggs for lunch’ or whatever it is you feel like doing. Treat yourself with care and kindness and look after your body, the way you would a child. Make it some nice simple food to eat, take it on a short walk, let it have a good stretch, get it to bed on time. This helped me to build back up when I was where you are now, crying for hours and hours everyday craving him.

Another thing I did, and it sounds daft but it helped, was that I put some cushions together on the sofa where he used to sit and hugged them as I cried. It really felt very comforting and helped me to have something to hug while I detoxed from him, and it stopped me from contacting him.

I also rang lots of helplines every day and told people who were kind and understood, like the Samaritans, the helpline, my local DV service. I also started recording video diaries of myself of how I was feeling each day – these helped me loads! I also journaled a lot. And I joined a DV support group too. You have to get it all out.

It is so hard but you will get through this time and be ok, well done for having the courage to leave and keep posting for support. xx

[Emmlogan]

Hi Pinklady

Please hold and be strong. It does pass, I promise. I know it feels right now like it never will but only a few months ago I finally jumped and although it was one of the most painful experiences of my life at the time, mostly now I am really good. I have days when I stop in my tracks and note just how happy I feel at that very moment. I’m not going to pretend it’s all wonderful all the time. It’s not. I do still have days when I miss and I miss my old life (I left my home and the area when I left him) but at those times I reach out to the friends who know what I went through and they remind me why I am in a much better place without him.

One massively important step I took in the early days was to phone my local Women’s Aid and to start the Freedom Programme. I have been every week without fail and it has honestly helped so much.

Try and get out and walk. I walked miles and miles and miles in the early days. And talk to anyone who will listen and when you’ve exhausted them, talk to someone else. I even phoned Samaritans one morning because there was no one else to talk to.

You are doing amazing. You have got out. Get some help with the rest and I promise, one day it will feel better 💖

[carla]

HI,

I am the same going through the same thing as you as the police took him away (detail removed by moderator) ago and I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. So many tears, not eating, and I am following what the other people said one things a day and normally you achieve more but you only expect the small things then you surprise yourself. I went swimming yesterday that was a first for three years since I met him. Thursday I have gym induction, I have never been to the gym ever and I’m (detail removed by moderator)

I need to get a job and I know this will distract me enough to move on as before I met him I had a big job in fashion but now I work from home in a business that we created together not being able to face any of it because he is not there.

See my earlier post where it explains my situation but I feel like it’s my fault but my fault or not I didn’t deserve to be called the names and the fear. I was trying to make amends for my mistakes but I wasn’t allowed to as we ere stuck in them for three years, yes I think I paid the price for them 10 fold.

Lets walk through this pain together don’t give in we can do it. I buckled a couple of times and he told the police officer straight away and also told her sordid details of my past. What kind of person that loves you says that. It helped to stop me contacting though as whats the point he doesn’t see the pain I have he just thinks it about him and his pain. I love him like you do, like no other I have ever loved but to be that sad and scared isn’t right!

Be strong hold my hand! We can do this xxxx

[Author]

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