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    • #11475
      Memand
      Participant

      Should life be this hard? I’m feeling as though I should never have brought children into the world as they will grow up to be emotionally damaged too.
      I feel as though he has broken me, but I don’t have the courage to contact WA as it’s like admitting there’s a real problem. Certainly it would seem easier to turn a blind eye to it. The children will never forgive me if I split from him and I’m pretty sure he will turn them against me. I feel as though I brought it all on myself. When I look back now there were many times when he said cold, unfeeling things to me and then pretended I was making a big deal out of nothing. I’m so confused now. I just don’t know what to do.

    • #11477
      Hopesprings
      Participant

      None of this is your fault. sending you a big hug. I knew it’s really confusing. One of the best things I ever did was picking up the phone to call women’s aid. It was like you – nervous unsure if I really wanted to but so glad I did, I truly believe they saved my life. Keep posting and I hope you find the courage to call soon. This forum will be with you every step of the way.

      • #11687
        Sunnybynature
        Participant

        Hello I’m new on here and I know exactly how you feel. I too cry every day and I wake up feeling like there’s no way out. I lack the strength to walk away yet I remember every little thing he’s said and done..Does he say it’s you making him like that or getting his back up? Apparently this is all my fault…yet I never had these problems before. If I play the game and do things his way it’s fine but what a way to live. I just can’t let go of any of it. I’m so resentful of the things he’s done. Emotional and physical but it’s all my fault

    • #11480
      godschild
      Participant

      Memand, you say the children will never forgive you if you split form him, my daughter actually blames me for not leaving mine. You cannot tell how children will react and its almost as though whatever you do will be wrong. Do try to call the WA helpline they will help clarify what are going through

    • #11695
      mixed-up mum
      Participant

      Hi ladies and welcome.

      You know it took me years to realise what he was doing to me was actually sexual abuse, and it took me years again to actually pluck up the courage to leave him. It was only finally my daughter’s fragile state of mind that gave me the final push to go – and one night I just knew it was now or never and I did it – it wasn’t planned – but I just knew I had to do it.

      My daughter had found out I had been talking to Women’s Aid, she knew what he was doing to me, and she tried to protect me from him and keep him away, the strain got too much, and it pushed her close to a nervous breakdown.

      I had to leave for the future sanity of us all, I’d lived with a controlling and sexually abusive husband for the teens of years, it became a normal life for me, and I devised ways of coping, but the thing is it’s NOT normal to have to live that way, we had to get away from him.

      It affected everyone in the house, he controlled us all, we were all too scared not to do what he wanted, and if I didn’t see to his sexual needs, his moods got worse and worse, oh my the moods and the ‘temper tantrums’ if he didn’t get his way.

      I was very unhappy living that life, I put up with it way too long – and it wasn’t fair on the kids making them live in that environment. They were only teenagers what could they do – I was the only on with the power to change our lives – I had to be the one to make the decision to leave.

      The thing that kept me with him way too long was the fear of being homeless with two kids to support – but there comes a time when you just KNOW enough is enough – and you have to go…..

      Memand – I don’t know how old your kids are but sometimes you have to do what you know needs to be done – for all your sakes – the kids pick up on things – more than you know, and they can see how unhappy their mam is…..

      The thing that worries me too, by staying so long with my abuser my teenage son picked up abusive traits from his father – he saw and heard how his father behaved towards me – and I see his father’s behaviour coming out in him now……. 🙁

      I didn’t have the courage to go to Women’s Aid, or ring up – but I was supported during the last 3 years we lived with him by email – and I could email her when safe to do so – my abuser was computer illiterate – and so I knew this was a safe means of contact for me – I could do it while he was out at work – or when he was in bed – I also got a mobile number from my support worker, so I could contact her anytime, I would lock myself in the bathroom and text her sometimes.
      So there are ways of getting help and support – please get help – its so good to know there is someone there to listen and advise you. They won’t make you do anything you are not ready to do – but you can just talk to them, they understand, and you can say things to them that you couldn’t tell your mam or your best friend.

      And of course there are always the ladies on here – great support and full of advice – I didn’t know about the forum until 6mth after I’d left him – and I’m on it everyday now!!! 🙂

      Sunny by Nature – I felt I didn’t have the courage to leave – and I know I stayed WAY too long – now with hindsight I DO wish I’d done it sooner – but only YOU will know when YOU are ready…..

      Abusers never change – and they never take the blame for their actions – and you do adapt to how you KNOW you have to live – but it shouldn’t have to be that way – me and the kids got to know there were certain things we had to do to ‘keep the peace’ and we knew there were certain things we couldn’t do or he’d be mad – but we shouldn’t have to live like that – treading on eggshells all the time – just to keep HIM happy…….

      Keep posting on here – we will all help you in any way we can.

      Take care,
      Keep safe,

      Mixed-up Mum x*x

    • #11725
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi Memend

      I lost the ability to to make any changes to my life I was too scared to do anything. I spent decades like a rabbit caught in the headlight unable to move.

      For my children sake I stayed with my abuser as I say now I made all the wrong chooses for all the right reasons. Now he has turned them against me.

      Please, please, please get some support for what ever you choose to do.

      Keep posting

      FS xx

    • #11727
      missgiddypants
      Participant

      sunny by nature it’s always our fault they push you that far you snap back and suddenly wham you’re the one that,s at fault I got that all the time ,tried to standing up to him when he was having a go at me but that not go down very well ,when he left me for another ,I asked if he was happy now and he said yes ,broke my heart kept thinking if I hadn’t had a go at him he wouldn’t have left me ,said this to a girl I worked with at the time she said don;t be daft if he had treated you like a princess put you on a pedestal the yes you would have been in the wrong but if you hadn’t stood up to him you would have been a doormat ,took me long time to realise the abuse I suffered ,controlling ,sexual abuse and the mental torture he put me through over the other women went on for many months will stay with me forever I will never forget and never forgive him either

    • #11737
      Lostmyself
      Participant

      Please ring WA tommorow, I’m in your situation too and I rang them today, they will help you xxsorry no very good at giving advice x

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