Can't think of a subject

[True2myself]

I can’t even think of a subject for this post. My head is so messed up so I’ll just put my message and think about subject later. Simple things are so difficult.

Anyway, hi everyone. Haven’t posted in a while but still with my husband but a bit further along with help from WA. I just now can’t sleep like every other night. I feel I’m already rambling here, sorry!

My head is in a really bad place, I can’t focus on anything. I can’t do shopping without coming out the store with a load of things that don’t make sense, I’ve lost complete interest in things. I now just stay in a certain room away from him and by myself.
He is relentless 🥺 can’t he give me just 1 day or even just 1 hour peace without abuse. It’s it normal for them to just not stop. I’m so run down.

I’m thinking this post doesn’t make sense and it’s all jumbled up, sorry if it is. I want my mind to get fixed, it goes so fast and different things I think and then things change really quickly without them getting solved. I don’t even think that makes sense. I’m gonna stop typing. Thanks for reading

[KIP.]

What you describe is the result of mental and emotional abuse. It’s exhausting and he knows it. Abusers keep up on edge, they deprive us of sleep, they pile things on us overwhelming us so we can’t work out that they’re nasty abusers and we need to leave, trauma leaves very little headspace for rational thinking and when you add sleep deprivation it’s impossible to have an understanding of what’s going on or to work out an exit plan. The bottom line is you need to get away from this man, this trauma, this dysfunction, the harm to your mental and physical health. If he feels you getting stronger, the abuse will increase until he once again dominates you.

[True2myself]

Thank you. My councellor is getting me a Dr, thinks I’m not doing good mentally. Will see what they say too. Plans on place but I’ve been let down a couple times and it makes me want to just give up

[True2myself]

Thanks for your comment

[Anonymous]

Hi,

Some days I could have written exactly what you have.

I am no medical expert but losing interest in everything is a classic depression sign so I’m glad to read you are getting a Dr. I do think that it is absolutely impossible to endure the relentless attacks you describe without ill effects on your health.

Also – as someone who also predominantly hides away in a single room alone – thats depressing in itself. Probably like you I do it for self-preservation but those 4 walls can feel like a prison some days.

Good luck and do be kind to yourself. You’re not rambling at all! It just is so hard to express how abuse feels. X

[True2myself]

Thank you. I was really overwhelmed yesterday. He had woken me and now saying he heard me crying and he’s so sorry what he’s done. I’ve heard it a million times. I need to try pick myself up and force myself to do stuff. Today my plan is go get healthy food and my councellor told me to get over if them adult colouring books to distract me but it’s something I don’t need to use my brain with.

[KIP.]

Don’t give up. To survive abuse you need an inner strength. Dig deep and use that inner strength to break free. Try to take time to contact your local women’s aid. They can help with a safe exit plan. Keep your phone on you fully charged at all times. Ring 999 if you feel threatened. I secretly recorded the final assault but be very careful if you’re recording him. When it gets to this stage it’s dangerous and very unpredictable. Have you considered a refuge? Just to give you some Breathing space.

[True2myself]

Thank you. Yes I go to woman’s aid every week.
I bought a voice recorder and it’s in my pocket at all times. It’s on record right now. He woke me up at (detail removed by Moderator) with breakfast. I rarely sleep but I got 2hours and he’s woken me. I don’t even eat breakfast normally. He’s confusing. He knows I record him with my phone so I got the other device cos he won’t suspect that. Although I have alot of proof via the recordings, can they actually be used?

[KIP.]

Yes. My recording was used in my case and got him a conviction. Let the police hear when you’re ready to report him x

[True2myself]

Thank you for that. I’ve searched and could never get straight answer

[KIP.]

They can also help with a non molestation order when you’re ready to break free x women’s aid were fantastic but you have to choose to take the next step and for me it was a complete leap of faith. A jump in the dark and it worked. Have faith in yourself x

[True2myself]

Yes I’m at that stage now. Ready to jump but have a little bit of fear about it. Closer each week

[Author]

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