- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 11 months ago by
iwillbeok.
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21st February 2018 at 4:58 pm #54826
iwillbeok
ParticipantI just want today to be over. I have been numb and timewasting for days; staying up til past midnight watching c**p on my phone. Today it all just spilled over and I just couldn’t stop crying. I went to see GP who’s given me diazepam to try for sleeping. I don’t really want to medicate – so scared of addiction and spiralling down further. Not sure why I associate medication with making things worse?
I have a stinking headache and I just want the day to be done so I can head to bed. Not sure what effect the diazepam will have. This man has reduced my life to scattered moments of being ok, mostly being numb and showing my brave face & times like now of shattering grief and pain.
I needed meds (beta blockers) to get through the injunction and now I need this to get me through. Meanwhile, he is according to eldest ‘getting his life on track’. Well, that’s so nuce for him – all he’s lost his is home and his slave. I meantime have lost my sense of self, my motivation, my trust (in both others and myself), my peace of mind. He violated my mind, my heart, my soul and finally my body.
It hurts. It’s hurting so, so bad. I know I’ll be okay again in a day or two. I just hate these feelings.
Thank goodness for WA and you ladies to vent to.
I will be ok. Xx
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21st February 2018 at 5:03 pm #54828
KIP.
ParticipantYes you will be ok, and its good that you recognise this. That’s a positive đź‘Ź
“This too shall pass” from the story of King Solomon. Got me through some dark times but it will get better. You will get better whereas he will always be a pathetic bully x -
21st February 2018 at 5:19 pm #54829
iwillbeok
ParticipantThanks KIP – that made me smile (through my tears). I do increasingly see him for the pathetic, coward that he is. I try not to get stuck on the unfairness of it all but some days it’s just too hard to keep strong.
The other quote that helps me is:
Don’t forget you’re human. It’s okay to have a meltdown, just don’t unpack and live there. Cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed.
Tomorrow is another day…
Xx iwillbeok
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