Can’t wait to get out

[Newboundaries]

Its been one of those days a mix of emotions. I had a callback (detail removed by moderator) with citizens advice, I said call me at this time not safe at the moment and 10 minutes before that time (he must have overheard) he decided he was going for a walk and left me with child.
Well that was OK, meant I could do it in my own home, I had emailed them beforehand so they knew the content, that their organisation was helping him do something and I had a guess what it could be (that he block me from moving away if I did it out of my own free will) and just wanted to know more and if I had any time pressures.
Anyway he hovered around as though he wanted for the call to happen, luckily they were late calling me, he had left 2 minutes before. I was watching what I was saying as being in front of child anyway, who was breastfeeding (something he doesn’t like me doing anymore) and all of a sudden, (detail removed by moderator) he walked in or should I say snuck in, the back way. Shaking his head at me. Not sure what he heard but gave me the shock of my life. Come off the phone and felt none the wiser! But very wary of his presence. (Detail removed by moderator) and by that time we had been sitting in the garden enjoying the sunshine. He stood by my side about (detail removed by moderator) and purposely just stared at me, scared the life out of me. I questioned (detail removed by moderator). He said I hope you are not saying too much in front of x as that will affect him. I managed to fob him off, he didn’t hear as much as I think, I don’t think And then luckily child came back in the garden where he stopped.
Then (detail removed by moderator) he was crying by himself making me feel sorry for him. I didn’t say or do anything. And then around the same time I found out he saw a family member at the supermarket (this family member didn’t tell me) and he was asking for their advice on dealing with the courts as they have been having an ongoing battle with the ex for domestic violence. The person who told me said message them and they said ‘he didn’t bad mouth you he is just concerned about not seeing the child, I said my situation is completely different to yours as you are not suffering from abuse, if that is of any help’. She has offered him a coffee chat anytime! Only one of my family members knows the truth, they have surprisingly been very supportive, I have no intention in telling others for my own safety. It angers me that he has the nerve to involve my family and makes out he is the victim. And then when I go down tonight after bedtime routine he is chatting to me like normal, like nothing has happened.
Just making me feel like c**p tonight, I feel alone, that I have had enough of this, that sometimes is this just me thinking this, am I going mad?!
His latest thing is money, I don’t have my half of the rent for next week, he knows this and I can’t afford to pay half of the food shopping either. I am surviving on child tax and child benefit and housing benefit and deep in my overdraft whilst he is doing really well with business at the moment and has plenty of cash. yet he still says we have always paid 50/50 its not going to change. Luckily I am selling a few things on eBay lately so might make the rent after all. I am so resentful to him, how can he treat the mother of his child like this. And he also said to our child that he loves mummy and when the child repeated that daddy loves mummy. he said (detail removed by moderator).
Life is going to be so much better when I go but I resent him for letting me leave my (rented) home in a hurry, I should be able to do it in my own time . Thought I would have a rant as I know you will understand. So hard, I wish I could just magic myself away with our child. We do have the backup plan still and I am working on it and inching that bit closer to doing it. Just waiting on one other call from the 24 hour line to answer other questions I have. And tomorrow he has another call with this organisation who apparently aren’t helping him.

 

 

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