Carry on with Divorce or not?

[Grateful]

I’ve just given divorce papers to my husband who has declared himself a broken man; he doesn’t want a divorce, and appears very repentant. He says he realises in hind sight how his behaviour has affected us and promises to act differently in the future. We did get on well last week as he was making an effort as our youngest child told him not to give up. He spent all weekend trying to convince me and telling me about his side of story (hint of abuse as not listening to me really?)

He said he will see a councillor IF I withdraw divorce petition FIRST….He doesn’t want the threat over his head. However, i think he needs to want counselling for himself not to keep me.

All I have ever wanted was for him to be pleasant so it’s a hard decision –
how long before he starts with the verbal abuse?
is it nicer to go through summer with family holidays etc pleasantly or with everything locked down financially? , do I go through with divorce when he means to make it such an acrimonious battle; he went through the letter refuting all my points and making it clear he will fight for the maximum number of years so can stay in the house with our child.

I’m in a quandary, carry on or stop the process and try again with a promise of niceness.

He wants me to withdraw the divorce papers today. I cannot make a decision anymore.

[White Rose]

Oh boy! Tough question you’re asking us.
I don’t think anyone can tell you what to do but there are things that might help make your mind up.
Why did you decide to divorce him? It wasn’t a spur of the moment decision I’m sure. Does the same apply now?
Do you feel your heart flutter with love and excitement at tbe thought of getting back with him or is it fear and dread?
Can he really change? Abusers don’t.
Is this more abusive behaviour on his part, more controlling behaviour more manipulation?
Keep your logical head on.
Do what you feel is safe and right for you (and children) not what he wants you to do
xx

[Robin]

Grateful, if he’s being nice and decent now what was stopping him from being that way before?

He’s placing a condition upon him getting counselling and I think you’re right to expect him to go through with this for himself as it sounds like a ploy to stop you divorcing him.

If you search online ‘domestic abuse can he change?’there are some useful sites to give you guidance.

I think it helps to remember how and why you got to this point. Good luck x

[Dragonfly]

Don’t go there x

[Grateful]

Thanks White Rose and Robin. I decided divorce was the only way to stop the pain and financial abuse but it took years to pluck up courage to actually do something.
My husband says he never saw me react to him and had no idea he hurt me so much. He is truly sorry. ..
I shall remember the past and listen to my gut

[Confused123]

HI HUn

Listen to your gut and go through with the divorce, we all just want them to be reasonable, if his serious about gettig help or counselling he should get regardless of u divorcing him

[pink rose]

I personally dont think they change x

[Twinsnon]

I’m new and I would say if you can go for it!
I’ve made the hugest mistake in thinking mine will change because of his depression and signed off for 5weeks and now I need to start all over again and wait 6months to start occupational order process as solicitor said I cannot apply for legal aid aga until that time I’m gutted😪 X

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